Saturday, May 30, 2009

99 Problems

Friday night, I think I've got just two projects to focus on over the weekend. Turns out, I've got three again. All featuring problems that need to be solved.

Reminds me of being at Bear Stearns and trying to put together pitchbooks with i-bankers who've been up all night. Except now I'm the i-banker and the operator. Just trying to get movies made. And these problems are harder than assembling a few bubble charts.

Friday, May 29, 2009

This is NOT a SPAM blog!

A true indicator that the robots are gearing up to destroy the world, some BLOGGER bots falsely labeled this as a SPAM blog on Wednesday night, which very nearly denied you the pleasure of reading this Friday entry. Thankfully, the matter's been resolved... but for how long...?

Had the strangest dream that I killed a woman...

In the dream, I'm falling asleep in some big public flophouse and I suddenly see a figure that's trying to harm me. So I get up (within the dream) and the figure moves back accordingly. But I can see that the figure is merely biding its time and will just come for me again as soon as I begin to drift off... so I approach the figure with a knife in my hand... and it turns out the the figure is a little woman... and she's pissed off that I'm coming at her with a knife!

"Oh, you think you're going to kill me...?" she says as we struggle... and I bury the knife into her chest... and head back to my flophouse bed, thinking it's safe to go to sleep now...

But as I'm falling asleep (in the dream), I see the figure of the girl coming after me, hovering over me with the intent to kill me... and as I'm trying to wake up within the dream, I'm simultaneously trying to wake up in real life... and like an apparition, for one moment I can see this girl in both my dream and my waking life. Before I can shake off the nightmare and realize that I'm alone in my room.

It's been that kind of a week. Curious, macabre dreams. Trying to find the heart to be creatively productive, my mind dwelling on terrible things that I can offload into these scripts...

When I get a bit more successful and can afford some eccentricities, I might apply for a membership at Susan Sarandon's brand new private ping-pong club:

SPiN New York

Till then...? Monkey Business.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Arma Goddamn Mothafuckin Geddon!

Caught American Masters on PBS HD Wednesday night: "Hollywood Chinese", a look back at the portrayal of Chinese throughout the history of motion pictures, incorporating interviews with a range of actors, writers and directors.

I also recently caught "How Bruce Lee Changed the World" on the History Channel HD. A slightly less inspiring homage relying heavily on testimonials from such Asian luminaries as Brett Ratner, LL Cool J and Eddie Griffin.

As some of you might know, I was once (in another lifetime) part of an Asian-American theater group that dealt to death with all manner of cultural identity navel-gazing. I'm not going to disparage the entirety of that experience (not today, at least), but it's diplomatic to say that there was a limit to how interested I was in that subject.

But there was a sense of community that I appreciated, for a time. Arguably an ultimately illusory sense of community. Being a part of something larger. So that in theory, your success contributed to the success of others.

Everything was for the taking. And now it's all over.

Been thinking more on The Future, lately. The next steps. I been living a fairly selfish life. The past decade has been such a turbulent ride, I don't think anyone could fault me for it.

But it helps to think about the future and where I want to go and what I want to accomplish. It's easy to lose sight of a long-term vision when you're chasing after every goddamn Open Writing Assignment (OWA) that knocks on the motherfrakkin door.

What's strange is that I'm trying to work on all these Big Projects right now so that I can eventually afford to work on some smaller, more personal projects. It's like I skipped a few steps and I'm simultaneously trying to move back and move forward.

But YOU believe in me, don't you, Constant Lurker?? (With the exception of the many of you who are only hanging on to watch me go down, of course.)

Here's the dirty truth: the African-American community will support African-American films but the Asian-American community will NOT NECESSARILY support Asian-American films... because the so-called Asian-American community is way too diverse and fractured and a shitload of Asian-American folks don't really give two fucks about Asian-American identity stories because zzzzzzzz...

Non-traditional casting is the way to go. Get more diversity on the screen without shoving cultural politics down people's throats every minute. Tell good stories better than others.

Yes, the specter of doom lurches across the landscape of my personal life, but my dying dream is to be able to contribute something valuable to pop culture before the light's snuffed. I don't know how much time I've got but I'll work my damnedest to make an impact before I get my proverbial posse. I have enough venom in my blood to make this happen.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Want To Kill You Like They Do In The Movies

All these entries are one day behind.

Tuesday hit the ground running. Divided my time between three different projects.

Each project represents a unique courting process. It takes a lot of time and effort before you ever actually get to screw. (IF you ever get to screw.)

"Do you get paid for this work?"

Glad you asked the question that everyone likes to ask. As if they want to rub it in. It's one of my favorite obnoxious questions. (Right up there with, "Why do you carry a bag with you everywhere??")

NO!!! You don't get paid to apply for a fucking job.

One day, I'll get paid. Better and more consistently. But I've got to establish a track record. Which is why I pursue almost every open writing assignment that gets within my radius. And each one takes time and effort.

This is the world.

This is what you get for trying to make a living entertaining others.

And I can't even complain because I'm in a relatively good position with my career, compared to a lot of other people.

Hopefully I'll be able to crow about more concrete developments soon...

Wait for it.....

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dark Passenger

Finished polishing up my official pitch document for That Alien Project... that I'll speak more about if/when they officially sign me.

About 20 pages from the end of the script for the New Potential Project that my agent gave me to read last week. I'll finish reading in the morning, before hitting the gym. Conference call for that set for 2:30pm EST.

I have no idea what Tuesday will bring. I need some of this to slow down because there's other stuff I haven't even gotten a chance to work on yet.

Are we close yet...?

Do we get to win this time...?

I'm the bad guy...?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Inevitable Shower Scene

Elisabeth Buecher of Central Saint Martins College was given the design brief "How can your shower fight water overconsumption in either a disturbing or a gorgeous way, using innovative materials, printing techniques and inflatable technology?"
The inflatable shower is a wee bit silly in logic... but it sure does make for an alluring blog entry picture.

(All my scripts have shower scenes in them from now on, FYI. I've notified my reps.)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Here inside I like the metal, don't you...?

Since TERMINATOR: SALVATION is out, here's this fascinating little weekender read about the real-world viability of robots taking over humanity. I love that shit.

Personally, I think we should be more afraid of the alien invaders...

Friday, May 22, 2009

kinda frantic from the feeling that i get when you're not there!


8:40PM—been home for most of the day and this is the first I've turned on my television. (Yes, this is a big deal for me.)

Conference call mercifully completed. Sent out a revised outline for another project. Feeling fine.

More work to do this weekend. A little overloaded here, to be honest. My reps are pushing everything at me. I even got a bit of BUTCHERHOUSE news this week. (Remember that one??)

All right, then. Time to worship my television a little.

Pretty Tied Up, Hangin Upside Down

Trying to get a little air, Malice heads to the park Thursday morning to write a little. Finds a nice bench by the tennis courts, gets out his papers and legal pads. Turns out that white paper and yellow paper are both highly reflective of direct sunlight. 20 minutes in, he's nearly blind. Then a bee starts buzzing around him...

Malice abruptly picks up his things. "You win, mother nature." Heads back inside.


Big Thursday night conference call got pushed to Friday afternoon, 3pm EST.

Must admit to the momentary feeling of relief. But of course, it's just pressure postponed.

After the call, I'll have to submit a supplementary document related to that project.

And there's another document for another project that I need to turn in before Friday ends and the long weekend begins.

And there are now TWO new projects that my reps would like me to consider going out for. In addition to all these other waterfalls that I'm chasing.

Is it getting hot in here...?

I just need to make it to the end of Friday. So much to do before I can afford to sleep...


Thursday, May 21, 2009

No Fun Zone

Welcome to the death of the party.

Wednesday was ill-conceived.

Gorgeous day in NYC and I spent it locking myself up and trying to develop my pitch for this conference call I've got scheduled Thursday night. Skipped the gym. Now my head's a mess.

Manager called to check in. Producer of another project emailed me to check in. My agent sent me a script for a brand new project that I've never heard of. I should be grateful for the attention and the flowering opportunities—and I am to an extent—but it's also frustrating trying to juggle everything.

Shit. All right. Let me get this done.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Crawling up the Walls

The world does not exist this week. Just me and the work I've got to do.

Wednesday. Slept so much last night. Don't know the last time I had so many consecutive hours of sleep. Now it's Wednesday and there are two projects I'm focusing on.

Tomorrow night's the big conference call for one of them. God help us all...

Jimmy Kimmel goes rogue!


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Today I Die

"Today I Die" is a free online game created by Daniel Benmergui.

You can read a fine A.V. Club review here, which is how I learned of it...
The scene opens underwater, with the body of a dead woman floating limply in the dark. The rock tied around her waist suggests that her demise was no accident. A handwritten poem floats above her:

dead world
full of shades
today I die.

Nearby, the words “dark” and “painful” swim among fierce-looking black fish and jellyfish who glow when approached. Through point-and-click experimentation, it becomes evident that players can re-write the story and change reality by discovering and swapping new words into the poem.
To say that I think this little game is a brilliant piece of interactive art would probably discourage some of you from trying it. I would recommend this game to non-gamers, but I fear gamers and non-gamers alike may not give this one a chance and you really should...

The brilliance of the game is discovering how it works on your own which will probably frustrate a lot of people.

My suggestion: click on everything within the game screen. You can move words *and* objects selectively. Replace words in the poem to alter the scene. See how altering the poem alters the imagery. You can play without listening to the audio but the audio is a lovely accompaniment.


Some of you may give up. I hope you don't. There are at least two endings, both really sweet.

Two other games by Daniel Benmergui that I really like:


I Wish I Were the Moon

I could go blue in the face trying to convince non-gamers (and gamers) that something genuinely poetic and artistic can be created using the medium of a videogame. If you don't have the curiosity to try it, you'll have to trust me that Benmergui's doing something really unique and amazing and subversive with the medium.

I've said my peace.

In other news, I thought I was gonna be able to get through Monday without talking to anyone but I had to have a talk with my manager about a matter. This is going to be one of those weeks, brothers and sisters...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Hanging by Threads

All right, New York, you heartless excuse for a city. I don't like you and you don't like me, but we are going to get things done this week, aren't we?

Aren't we.

My faithless prayer for Monday is that nobody contacts me. Reps, producers. Unless someone's calling with brilliant news, I would just like radio silence for Monday. I know I've got work to do. Nobody understands this better than I do.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Night at the Peabody Museum

Exclusive footage from a security cam at the Peabody Museum of Natural History, captured Saturday night.

The almighty Xtapolapocetl...!!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

No Man

Hey, I love ya, Shia. Drop me a line.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Everytime You're Next to Me

(The Lonely Island boys do a nice Pet Shop Boys number.)

Wee hours of the morning, trying to finish writing an outline that I've spent way too much time on already, and it occurs to me that I'm actually trying to rewrite Edgar Allan Poe. It's sooo fucked up and I'm gonna get myself crucified if it actually gets made... but you may as well go balls out if you're gonna do it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm not fuckin around!!

New High Score Alert:


Scored Wednesday morning. It's always the days I'm not expecting to break any records when it happens. Last high score was 1049. I figured breaking 1050 would be the limit. Past few weeks, I've been bumping around the 900s, barely breaking the grand mark on odd days.

For the record, it's the elliptical machine with the moving handlebars. Set on the maximum resistance ("20"), which actually isn't so difficult, at least on the PRECOR machines I use. 60 minutes at 20 resistance, with a 5 minute cooldown at 16 resistance. All right? Enough information already?

My manager called me Monday night, told me to expect an informal phone call from a producer at "any time"...

Received call Wednesday night, approximately 9:24pm EST. Call length, approximately 6 minutes.

48 hours on high alert... all for 6 minutes of fiddle-faddle.

The more formal conference call is now scheduled for next Thursday night, the 21st. Start your engines.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

How Can I Love You If You Won't Lie Down?

Were you expecting a new entry today?

Do you have any idea how much work I need to do...?

Okay, for real, there was something I was going to discuss here...

This is going to be the week of waiting for the call that never comes. O, if you only knew.

Here's the thing: we started off friends. It was cool but it was all pretend. Hey hey... since you've been gone.

Okay, for serious now. There are a few things I am determined to get done within the next 48 hours. There are things I wish I could share openly with you, Constant Lurker.

One day—and that day may never arrive—this will all make perfect sense.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Nobody Completes Me

Ugh... what day is it...? Tuesday? Did I forget to blog yesterday? Did anyone think to contact the authorities? Is there anyone out there? Just nod if you can hear me...

I hate plot. I hate the mathematics of plots. The "if... then" logic that's got to add up for everyone before any real writing gets the go-ahead. The variables of character ages and settings and demographic appeal that must be inserted into the equation.

Grumble. Groan. Whine.

Wahhhhhh... the spoiled writer hates being a writer... WAHHHHH!!!

The doubleplusgood news is that the representatives seem to be working overtime on my behalf and there are a few different projects I'm trying to crack. Two look really good. A third one, I know I can get if I can just spend some fucking time on it.

I should be getting a phone call from a producer who'll be calling me from the Warner Bros lot. When should I expect this phone call?


Which probably means it'll happen when I'm at the gym or at the headshrinkers. Possibly while I'm on the subway. Maybe best to avoid subways for a few days.

Goddammit. It would be so nice to have a life one day. Not be chained to my phone.

This is not the way to live.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


When is IMAX *not* IMAX...?

When it's the "IMAX" at the AMC Empire 25 on 42nd Street in NYC.

Don't get me wrong, it's a pretty big screen.

But it's NOT the insanely big IMAX at the AMC Loews Lincoln Square 13 on 68th & Broadway.

And if you're going to pay $17.50 for a fucking IMAX movie ticket, you should probably go to the truly massive IMAX theater on 68th Street as opposed to the bare-minimum IMAX theater on 42nd Street.

I'm just saying. It's a lot of money.

A rant from Aziz Ansari explaining things further here.

Detailed article from the LF Examiner.

Consider this your last warning.

Happy Mother's Day, motherfuckers.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Jesus Phone Crucified

Friday, May 08, 2009

Villainy of Dogs

"You *look* like someone I know...," she said.

Do you know how much fucking effort I put into not looking like ANYONE you might know...?!

Happy fucking Friday, lurkers. As Mark Wahlberg might say, Say hi to your mother for me this weekend, all right?

Just two notes to the dog-owners out there:

1) Reel in that infinite leash of yours on the goddamn sidewalk where HUMAN BEINGS are trying to pass. No need for the improvised trip-wire.

2) Pick up the motherfucking shit.

That's it. Grab your torches, head back to camp.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Above the Law

When I was an awkward teen in high school, I had a crush on this Russian girl named "Lucy" in my AP Physics class, and I wrote her a short story.

First of all, what kind of a lame move is that?! Where were my male role models?!??

She had a boyfriend (so she said) but she sat with me in the cafeteria one day to have a talk with me. Her English wasn't so good. We talked about general things. She told me that her favorite movie was Above the Law, the Andrew Davis movie starring Steven Seagal.

How could *anyone's* favorite movie be "Above the Law"...?

The paradox only made her so much hotter...

(Clearly, I have a thing for girls who are FUCKING STUPID.)

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Killer App

Check out these 8-bit Fatalities.

I'm so very behind... trying to solve story problems...

Carry on.


Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Dom DeLuise Has a Posse

Dom DeLuise has a posse.

Who's next, then...?

Who's gonna get it...?? Who gets to complete the deadly triptych...? Who can we afford to lose......?

Bea Arthur, Dom DeLuise, then...

Japanese Girls Eating Pussy

What a crudely titled entry. An open invitation to a lot of people who will NOT be interested in this blog. I don't even know the story behind these pictures. Some bizarre Japanese thing.

Speaking of shock value, here's an interesting article about Neil Labute that some random friend forwarded me a while ago. Touches upon the fact that his earlier work was a little more shocking and his more recent work—like the current "Reasons to Be Pretty"—is a bit gentler. A bit less... misanthropic.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Money Shots

You ever have so much work to tend to, it's almost paralyzing?

Where do I start? Where do I begin?

I feel a bit like I'm becoming untethered. It's so easy to lose touch with the world, doing this stuff. Right now, I'm brainstorming ways to resurrect people. I mean, how many ways are there...?

Re-animation. Some occult experiment. Reincarnation. Something involving a sacrifice. Some supernatural mumbo jumbo. Jesus Christ, it's absurd and maddening. A day of rain feels like a week of rain.

Stories, stories. The one about the doomed bloodline. The one about the cult of children. The one about alien abduction. The one about the school run by wolves. A few others that might spark into something larger...

All shots at another paycheck.

The stories go in circles and blur.. Got to keep them all in focus.

It's going to rain a lot this week, isn't it...?

I wish I could stop the clock and get a month's work done before sunrise.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Stacked Actors

I've been DVR-ing and watching old episodes of The Twilight Zone [1980s version] and Tales from the Darkside (and the ever cheaper Monsters) on CHILLER.

For what...?

Nostalgia. Story inspiration. Research. Procrastination.

Many of these episodes feature familiar actors that would go onto greater successes. (Hey, it's Colonel Tigh! Look, Jack Bristow's a tear collector!) But more often than not, these shows feature actors that have not been seen prominently since.

I find myself watching these shows and wondering about the lives of these actors who've starred in these old anthological shows. How excited they must have been to land the lead in a big television show, if only for a night. The teasing promise of a career on a larger stage.

And then... nothing?

An event never to be remembered, except by friends and family. And the space oddities like me who happen to catch their episode on a basic cable station over 20 years later. The idea resonates with me because I have enough actor friends that I've seen with (very) small roles in very big shows.

It just seems obscene to try to make a career in the entertainment industry. Completely and utterly obscene. What the fuck are we doing...?

Happy May, everyone. Here's something for laughs:

Funny article about a guy who's kept a box of ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES CEREAL for nearly 18 years and counting.