Hey... Must Be the Money

My next day job gig starts in a few weeks. It's a period piece. (I hope that BITCH doesn't show up as an extra... you know who you fucking are.)

I should be riding it into the new year. Balanced with other things.

Wishlist 2013

The year started out exceptionally quiet on the career front. And it's remained quiet past the midpoint of the year. But for whatever reason, some noise is being made again.

Here's my current list of my projects that I hope move forward in some capacity before the year's end:

1. PARTY
2. THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER
3. HAYRIDE
4. THE BUTCHERHOUSE CHRONICLES *

For the record, that last one is ever the longshot and I've no insider knowledge of any new movement. Paramount's got the rights for se7en more years. An insider tells me that "horror is hot again", so it wouldn't be crazy to imagine the studio dusting it off.

Too premature to comment on the other three. To a large extent, this is ultimately about me being able to get those scripts up to a certain level where they're viable.

The wishlist doubles as a To-Do list.

Suffice it to say, if any one of these projects moves forward this year, it will be a victory. Movement on more than one would be an embarrassment of fortune. And I think there could be a domino effect.

Okay, this is entirely possible.

Citi Bike Glitch Exposed More Than 1,000 Users’ Personal Information

Good news, everyone! Citi-Bike leaked your credit card information!

Also remember to dock your bikes on time to avoid those late fees.

Who wants to fight... KAIJUUU???

When I watched Pacific Rim, I couldn't help but imagine BMO from Adventure Time as the Rinko Kikuchi character.

Here's another Adventure Time crossover, featuring Finn, Jake and Beemo as pilots of the Crimson Typhoon:

Sparkler Bombs All Through the Night

Hello, NSA. I'm trying to finish writing an action movie and I've been looking up topics such as "how to make bombs out of common household items". I'm a writer. It's for a script, okay?

Way back in the mid-90s, I remember finding a text copy of The Anarchist's Cookbook online. (Back when "online" was a far cruder place to explore.)

Suffice it to say, it is now soooo much easier to find all sorts of horrifying how-to videos/recipes/manuals for an unimaginable range of unsavory topics.

This video shows you how to make a sparkler bomb. I watched the entire thing.



Do NOT try this, kids. It's only for the movies.

Amos Lee, "November Rain"

It all just sounds like...

Boiling Point

She was with a guy — but when she sat...

... at the bar stool...

... beside me...

... it didn't diminish the fact that she smelled like sex.

Not the aftermath of sex but, somehow, the precursor.

The come-hither of pheromones. An almost alien level of WANT carpet-bombing the real estate of the bar.

What did it smell like?, you ask.

Freshly-cut grass.

Don't ask me what that means but in the relentless 90-degree weather of the summer of 2013... SEX smelled like freshly-cut grass.

Deep. Musty. Thick. Coppery. Organic. Fertile. Metallic.

S.E.X.

I was at the bar to write but as soon as they sat down, my focus shifted, ever so slightly. And I swear, if her companion had been careless enough to leave her alone for a few moments... I'd have had no choice but to move in. With aggression.

Foxy Boxing

Christina Hammer vs. Mikaela Lauren
I'm sorry. There's something about this stolen kiss at this boxing weigh-in that I find so... appealing.

More pics over at Getty.

Race War.

This is so wrong on so many levels. There's something deeply wrong with this country.

Christmas with the Lettermans

David Letterman was always way ahead of his time.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld. I've got more money than my great grandchildren could burn, so I collect cars like some people collect funny t-shirts. Because I never have to work another day in my life, I enjoy picking up my famous comedian friends in assorted quirky cars and having a camera crew film our conversations while we have coffee and/or lunch. Watch me have lunch with my friend Sarah Silverman.

I enjoy the series. It's an easy, enjoyable series to watch. There's a great episode featuring David Letterman, who seems increasingly affable since he's gotten older and has a child.

But there's also something vaguely off-putting about the series. Seinfeld leisurely drives around as if the world were just a big theme park where everybody's on vacation. He seems to have made a religion out of being preternaturally laid-back. Watching Seinfeld drive around with David Letterman, you're watching two comedians who've reached as high as they can go in their careers. One of the biggest sitcoms ever. One of the biggest talk show hosts ever. Legends who've reached a point where they've got nothing left to prove... so they're just going to have some coffee and reminisce about the old days. So yes, as someone who's still struggling to get his career off the runway — with everything left to prove — there's something a little off-putting about watching people so... fucking... *comfortable*.

[NSFW] [GAME SPOILER] Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded

For men of a certain age, Leisure Suit Larry needs no introduction.

An enhanced remake of the original point-and-click adventure ("Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards") called "Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded" was recently released, thanks to a Kickstarter campaign.

I just played through the juvenile, PG-13-ish romp. It's like videogame burlesque. There's nothing inordinately graphic in terms of language or nudity until this bit at the very end...

At the top of the post, you see the character of Eve in her original, 256-color glory.

Below, screencaps of her after 26 years of technological progress.

The Ultimate Comedy Fantasy

I'm a major fan of the Comedy Bang Bang IFC programme and am looking forward to the new season. They've been airing all sorts of promos on IFC and one stuck out to me.

It features stars Scott Aukerman and Reggie Watts in a funky van racing through the Los Angeles river basin. Then there is one shot of Scott and Reggie looking tough standing in front of the parked van; the camera dollies around them and suddenly they both break their tough guy stances and leap into the air with big smiles on their faces.

I thought that needed to be a GIF. (Pronounced "JIFF", people!)

I figured I could grab that promo from YouTube except... IFC didn't post that promo on their YouTube channel. They posted this one called "Autopilot" which has the same setting:



... but it wasn't what I was looking for.

How is something like this NOT on the internet?!

So, I did the next best ghetto thing. Sunday morning, I started watching IFC to try to catch the promo. They were airing a few episodes from season 1 and I figured there'd be promos for the new season all over it. And there were... just not the one I wanted!

I went through two episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, a few episodes of Dilbert, and a few episodes of Malcolm in the Middle before they FINALLY aired the spot... which I recorded using my LG Lucid 2 cell phone:



Not the best quality but you do what you can.

Here's a pocket version of the GIF at 300px width:


All of this took a lot more time and effort than it needed to. Every so often, you stumble upon a hole in the internet. A missing piece that someone has failed to place, leaving this darkness. When I can, I have this compulsion to fill in that missing piece. Because I know if I'm looking for it, someone else out there is looking for it, too.

You Don't Lose the Fight.

In my mind, I'm never gonna die in no ghetto. Absolutely never. A man turns around and punches me in the head: the fight's on. If he cuts me, the fight's on. If I'm shot, the fight is on -- I am not losing no fight to no scumbag out there in no ghetto. Period. That's it. No sonuvabitch out there is gonna get me. The only way he gets me is to cut my head off -- and I *mean* that. I'll fight you till I got a breath left in me. I don't think any of those animals in that street can beat me. And I've been goin that way for 18 years of street service -- street duty -- and that's the way I'm gonna keep ON goin'. You Don't Lose The Fight.

Independence

(American flag waving in the wind)

FUN FACT: It would have been my 10th wedding anniversary right about now if my ex-wife hadn't turned out to be such an unreliable asshole.

Happy Birthday, Jenny

Good news, everyone! It's Tom Cruise's birthday today, as well as my friend Jenny's birthday!

Sorry I've been M.I.A. and scarce. Trying to get something done and keep my head together. The past few weeks have been... difficult on different levels.

I will return to the world of man, soon.

Here's an article about Jason Everman: a guy who was kicked out of Nirvana *and* Soundgarden and became a war hero.

"Nirvana & Soundgarden", that would be a crazy name for a band. Wonder what that logo would look like...