Saturday, January 24, 2015

Manic Pixie Dream Girl

From the Wiki, the "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" was a term coined by critic Nathan Rabin to describe "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."

A long time ago, when we were both so much younger, I knew a girl like this. She wasn't necessarily my "type", but I eventually developed a crush on her -- as did a lot of guys around her at the time. She shut me down as she shut down most of those other boys.

I got over it.

We remained friends.

She attended my doomed wedding.

We lost touch over the years, though I'd occasionally see snapshots of her life on Facebook. Not pics I'd necessarily linger on. Simply more posts of people living full lives while I lived my monastic life chasing dragons.

We met up again, at my 39th birthday. And everything changed.

There's more to this. Hopefully. It's complicated because I can't ever fucking have anything that's easy. But for right now...

... we're kind of crazy in love...

Thursday, January 08, 2015


It's not that 39 is that horrifying of a number. It's just the last of the 30s. I've been obsessing over this like I never imagined I would.

I'm sorry, I do NOT have a positive attitude about any of this.

There are things I need to accomplish that I'm nowhere to close to accomplishing.

I am overwhelmed by what a cliche I've become. The person panicking about age, of all things. But it's more than age, it's everything. Being constantly surrounded by peers who are clicking past milestones. And here I am, taking a seemingly extended, leisurely detour.


Robert Smith wrote this song on his 39th birthday, which he chose not to celebrate. Instead of having a party, he shut himself off and wrote this song about losing your passion. In Pulse magazine, Smith said: "I think everyone, if they're old enough, at some point in their life has thought, 'Where did my passions go, what happened to my desires to change the world?' You have to work harder as you get older, because cynicism is like a creeping insidious enemy that can poison everything. And if I'm really honest, I have to admit that I don't have the same fire, the same desire to be heart, that I had when I was younger. But I think that saying 'The fire's almost out' in '39' is not a statement that I'm giving up. I'm just being open and honest about the fact that what's driven me to express myself in the past is just not there like it used to be. That's neither a good nor a bad thing, it's just a fact."

Thursday, January 01, 2015

Starting 2015 Right...

Turns out that party I went to last night was probably exactly what I needed :-)

So glad I went. Last night is the reason I take these risks.

These are two GIFs I made in the new year. I hope this year works out.