Tuesday, March 31, 2015

March Dies

March goes out like a knife to the stomach.

April stretches out ahead. Like purgatory. A long month with such an uncertain end.

It's hard not to think about what's going to happen at the end of the month. I need to try to stop because it falls squarely into the category of "things we have no control over".

Positive thoughts. Stay in the present. Distract myself with television and movies and writing and the gym.

Hate to say I'm newly dreading this trip to see my mom and sis at the end of the month, and their inevitable avalanche of questions. I will have no answers for them.

Positive thoughts. Present.

Ghosts of the past whisper terrible things... but this is different. I will not succumb to negative thoughts.

Sunday, March 29, 2015


Not over. A pause.

A long pause.

A month.

So she can get her head in order. Heal. Mourn.

My stomach hurts.

I am managing.

This is not a bender month. This is a focus month. Time to let go and write more and breathe.

No guarantees on what happens in a month without communication. But we've survived worse.

No use losing my head for the next four weeks.

This is week one.

and so it is

this phantom relationship i've written about so delicately here is on a break for the next month. i learned of this over text message last night.

i'm tired. i'm just so tired.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Taxing Hours

It is done. A year's worth of receipts, sorted. Documents readied. Just have to print out the stuff at work tomorrow, walk it over to the accountant's new offices tomorrow night, then wait about six months to check up on the progress.

It's a relief to have it done with. As always.

I just need to get back into the rhythm of writing again.

Small steps. A few pages this week. Get the blood moving again.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

All of My Kindness... is Taken for Weakness

I'm trying to make it home by Monday morning.

I swear I wish somebody would try me — Ooh, that’s all I want...

Friday, March 20, 2015

Snow on the First Day of Spring

It's the kind of winter it's been. First day of Spring and we're looking at snowfall. Not going home tonight... should I pack boots?

My bed's covered in receipts. Every year, it takes me a few days to a few weeks to get all my tax shit together. I should have a better system by now but I don't. It'll be a relief to deliver this to my accountant so I can reclaim writing time. My head has been too scattered. We're on the downslope of March, April staring at us expectantly, and there's so much left to accomplish this year.

Friday. Thank glob it's Friday. One foot in front of another.

Thursday, March 05, 2015

Flower Mouse at Whole Foods, Union Square

I was looking to pick up some flowers for the Significant Other last night and found this little fella...

Monday, March 02, 2015


A lot has changed for me since 2015 kicked off.

A lot I won't be explicit about here for the time being because I refuse to succumb to the repetition of history.

Suffice it to say, I am happy but tense.

World's a far more terrifying place when you've got more to lose.

I've got more to lose.

Sunday, March 01, 2015

the cat whisperer

He talks to the cat. It's his cat, he can do whatever the hell he wants (which does NOT include cleaning her litter box on a regular basis, even after I bought him a litter box that's easier to clean) -- it's just awkward listening to him talk to his cat as if he were alone.

And he IS alone. Planted on the living room couch every spare moment. Fermenting.