Friday, October 29, 2010

me and you could've been a work of art

I don't like walk-through haunted houses.

I had a traumatic experience at a haunted house down in Florida when I was 17. I write horror movies, I'm fairly desensitized to most horror films at this point, but the fact remains that I do NOT like it when people jump out at me in real life.

So it was with great trepidation that I consented to going to this NYC haunted house on Thursday night.

But I thought, Hell... it's legitimate research. I'd be going with a group of friends so I wouldn't be alone. How bad could it possibly be...?




I wasn't even *close* to being scared.

That said, I recommend it. You should go. It's fun. It's was just a bit of an... arty haunted house experience. I admired the artistry of it. They weren't all about pulling out the cheapest scares...

... but to be honest, sometimes the cheapest scares are the scariest...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Real Live Hoverboard

Actual hoverboard, inspired by BACK TO THE FUTURE 2. Hovers for real. Does not support human weight (yet).

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Paul the Octopus Has a Posse

Paul the Octopus I
hatched January 2008 - October 26, 2010

Paul the Psychic Octopus has a posse.

This is Today's Entry

Dogs Have No Pride Parade.

This concludes today's blog entry.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Goodbye Kitty

I'd like to die suddenly.

Not a prolonged, debilitating sickness. Not slowly bleeding to death in some serial killer's backyard shed or drowning amidst wreckage in the open ocean. Something sudden enough that I don't have to suffer extravagantly, don't have to deal with hospitals or dwell on the morbid details of settling affairs.

Quick, painless. One flash and I'm gone. With the world left to quarrel over what's left behind. Scripts finished and un-. Mostly unfinished. A little sad that words are really all I've got to leave behind. And a nice tee-vee.

If I could know in advance, I could probably make the time more productive. If it were all gonna end six months from now, I could probably have some fun. If it were three months, I could have a whole lot of fun. If I only had a month left, watch out. And if I knew I was going to snuff out 7 days from now... you'd probably want to hold onto something because I would rip through this city like a hurricane.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Cassette Walkmans Have a Posse

Sony Cassette Walkman
July 1, 1979 - October 22, 2010

No calls from the governor. No more stays of execution. Sony's out to kill and this time it's personal.

Cassette walkmans have a posse.

Charlie Teh Unicron

This, I love.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Top Chef Lisa Entry

On Sunday, after [some friends of mine were done] participating in the walk-a-thon for Breast Cancer Awareness, we stopped by the UWS Shake Shack then headed t'ward the Central Park playground society....

I lived on the Upper West Side for four glorious years, right by Central Park West, but I've always maintained an ignorance of the multitude of playgrounds inside the park unless I happened to be in the company of other people's children.

For some cosmic reason, it seemed to be BABY WEEKEND last weekend. Everybody I went to hang out with seemed to have at least one child.

My Sunday friends found an absolutely massive playground near the southern hemisphere of Central Park. There, we spotted Lisa from TOP CHEF series 4. And I stole the above shot with my DRRRROOOOOIIIIIDDDDD phone.

She was sitting across the way from us and we were trying to divine the narrative. She was either serving as a "big sister" to a young African-American girl, or she and her partner had adopted. The little girl was, perhaps, 8 or 9, and I think I saw her steal a look at me... probably because I'd taken a picture of her Big Sister/Mom. Or because I'm simply irresistible to little black girls. (Probably a little from Column A, a little from Column B.)

A little further on, I was at the swings, pushing my friend's child. For the record, in those rare occasions when I'm entrusted with looking after someone else's child, I'm just trying to make sure they're relatively entertained and don't get abducted by aliens.

Suddenly, I notice Top Chef Lisa's kid run up to the vacant swing right next to me. I heard her call out, "LISA!!! COME HERE!!!"

Then Top Chef Lisa comes over and suddenly we're side-by-side. We are both pushing kids who are not our own. We are both top chefs.

That's my New York story of the week.

As an aside, over the past few months this blog went from averaging about 60 unique hits a day to well over 100 a day. I don't get it. And a lot of random people have been going straight to the archived month of June 2010. Who are you people and why are you here?

TGIF, America.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Gucci Little Piggy Has a Posse

Robert Charles Joseph Edward Sabatini "Bob" Guccione
December 17, 1930 – October 20, 2010

Penthouse founder Bob Guccione has a posse.

Also, Tom Bosley has a posse and Barbara Billingsley has a posse. I know, I've missed a lot of posse acquisitions lately...

the me that you knew...

This space is generally a careful blend of over-sharing and under-sharing. With occasional flights of raw confession. Sometimes it's a stream of videos and links I feel compelled to share.

Sometimes, it's simply radio silence.

There are a few entries I've been meaning to write but I just haven't scrounged up the effort to do that. I just started writing a new screenplay, which tends to throw my routines off.

Maybe I'm not saying everything I'd like to say right now...

Here's a bunch of random links I've been meaning to post:

Statue of Liberty gets hit by lightning.

GQ interview with Bill Murray from August 2010.

Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd reunite at the Scream Awards.

The RIAA sues kids who download music.

Columbia Writing Professor sends obnoxious email to former students.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Distressed Metal

This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in...

Work to do this week, may not be all pleasant. Some people are really trying my patience.

FYI, Anonymous comment trolls are going to be exposed. The internet's set up like a big bathroom wall, so it invites the worst in humanity. But you already knew that.

Site maintenance occurring, so some images may not appear properly in the short term.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Snickers Really Terrifies Me

Snickers Lady Big GIF (640 x 348)

Snickers Lady Pocket GIF (375 x 204)

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Endless GIF

Finally, a mainstream article about the art of the animated GIF.
"(MIA's) record label also employs an in-house GIF-maker, Jaime Martínez."
Um... there are jobs where they PAY YOU to make animated GIFs?! Hello, employers, I'm Mr. Animated GIF Maker!!! GET TO KNOW ME!!!

Also, what is it about MAD MEN that inspires so many animated GIFs?

And why are there so many versions of the Peggy Rider GIF and yet *mine* isn't the internet standard???

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Snuffy Film

Here's the take-home with the Snuffleupagus storyline, kids:

If a talking woolly mammoth comes to visit you nightly, and maybe makes you do bad things, grown-ups will NEVER believe you.

A sexual abuse case actually provoked the Sesame Street producers to finally reveal Snuffster to all the adults with their heads in the sand.

Four Things About Mr. Snuffleupagus

No Pressure


Gillian Anderson is pretty.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

How far are you going?

Original teaser for BACK TO THE FUTURE...

Shot-for-shot homage with Michael J. Fox, for the 2010 Scream Awards on Spike TV.

Mad Men Up

I didn't realize that RJD2 did the title theme for MAD MEN ("A Beautiful Mine").

This one shot video features Allison Williams (newsman Brian's daughter). Lyrics are from "Nature Boy".

Another cover by Allison...

This is the first day of my last days.

Today. It ends and begins. And ends.

Had a chat with my managers last night. About the way of the future. I'm about to start writing a new screenplay.

I am uniquely disheartened that more of you don't know who I am, Constant Lurkers. This will change.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Bright Young Things

Internet went down this evening so I wasted some time.

These are some simple animated gifs I made a while back:

They're from a low-resolution video clip of me and my friend Erwin at a shooting range back in June 2007. (Part of Erwin's bachelor party.)

I had the original video clip on my desktop and I created this new animated gif using a picture of another friend, Mr. Robert Boblick:

Ladies and gentlemen, I am full of wasted potential.

[P.S. I'll be at Ma-Yi tonight seeing some Asian-American theater, so frenemies be on alert!]

Monday, October 11, 2010

Yesterday Was a Million Years Ago

There is a certain comfort in getting the updated credit card statement the month after you've cleared a debt that you've been whittling down for maybe 14 years. That debt represented a succession of unfortunate events that occurred post-college, exacerbated by a staggering of other unfortunate events over the years. Hard to get ahead when you're periodically getting pummeled by obstacles... pay-cuts at work, suffering unemployed stretches, suffering rent changes, paying for a wedding, paying for a divorce...

And through it all, since my early 20s, there was the constant of this beast of credit card debt. A beast that grew and shrank, depending on how well things were going. During the flush stretches, I'd take larger chunks out of it. During the leanest stretches, I paid close to the minimum each month... dreading the appearance of that bloody statement in the mailbox...

Now that it's paid off (thanks to a play I wrote 7 years ago), it really does seem to mark the end of an era. It's a huge thing I no longer have to worry about every month.

Ashes to ashes.

All those bad yesterdays, paid for. Now I need to plot a better tomorrow.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

20/20 Spoils "CATFISH"

The poster for the movie "CATFISH" implores prospective audience members to not let anyone tell them what it's about.

Yet, last night's 20/20 totally spoiled the entire movie!

I happened to see the movie on Thursday (and liked it) and the 20/20 profile offers a good supplement to the story... but if you HAVEN'T seen the movie, the entire thing gets exposed! Including clips from the ding dang dong moobie! UNIVERSAL was okay with a movie of theirs, which is still in theaters, getting totally spoiled?? When their ad campaign HINGES on "the secret"??

No, the *twist* isn't that difficult to predict. You see it coming from a mile away, but IMHO it doesn't make it less interesting to get to know the full details. The 20/20 show offers some new angles to the story, including fresh interviews. It would be a really good bonus on the DVD... but on its own (I can't emphasize this enough) IT COMPLETELY SPOILS THE MOVIE!!!

FWIW: I think the movie's well made, thoughtfully edited and paced. And despite all the suspicious critics, I'm convinced it's completely real. (This is NOT a Blair Witch movie, nor is it the horror/thriller that the trailer/poster may imply.)

the olsen twins want pizza

Turn up your speakers. Listen to the sound of madness.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Ivy Higa is a cunt

i mean, really.

FREE Super Saver Shipping!

I bought a Dyson vacuum on AMAZON. They cost a small fortune but I've always wanted one and the apartment was in bad need of a really good vacuum. (Especially since I'm the only one who ever cleans this godforsaken place...)

But that's neither here nor there...

To save a few quid, I selected FREE Super Saving Shipping!!! on my order. The time estimate suggested that my cyclone-harnessing wonder-vacuum would arrive in 5-10 days.

MONDAY, October 4: I placed the order.
TUESDAY, October 5: Order went through, packaged left the shipping facility.
WEDNESDAY, October 6: Vacuum arrived via UPS.

TWO DAYS. Free shipping. Madonn'.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

A Life More Ordinary

I don't know how much hope I really had for the new family/superhero dramedy NO ORDINARY FAMILY... but it had Vic Mackey in it. Vic Mackey is a fucking hardcore, balls-to-the-wall, ballistic badass.

And yet, for some reason, whenever Michael Chiklis plays a character with actual super-powers, the effect is a castrated man.

In NO ORDINARY FAMILY, Vic Mackey plays a castrated husband who acquires super-powers... comparable to a Gummi Bear.

It's almost painful to watch Vic Mackey suffer such indignities.

The show plays like a warmed-over HEROES spin-off. Another show with a really sound concept with (generally) lousy execution. It's a down low dirty shame.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Psycho Chronicles

PSYCHO was an iconic thriller directed by Alfred Hitchcock, released in the summer of 1960. (That Wiki's an interesting read, btw.)

It was a sensation when it was released. In time, it's become a film school textbook. Which is to say, something that is more often studied and dissected and analysed rather than actually enjoyed as regular entertainment.

I was watching the ending of Gus Van Sant's shot-for-shot 1998 remake on cable recently and the thing intrigued me. There was all this noise back then about why Van Sant would bother shooting a virtually shot-for-shot remake of Hitchcock's classic. It seemed like a colossal waste of time to a lot of whiners, but I remember being intrigued by it because I'd heard a rumor that Van Sant's movie was only shot-for-shot until the shower scene... and then it would go in a completely different direction... which would have been an awesome surprise. Like a ride you've been on a thousand times that suddenly goes down a different track.

But no. It turned out to be exactly what it advertised. A shot-for-shot remake in color. With the exception of a few shots Van Sant created the way Hitchcock would've wanted if he had the technology and a few other random inserts and Van Santisms.

Still, Van Sant's faithful experiment, in its own way, serves as a useful teaching tool. A strapping young Vince Vaughn takes on the role of Norman Bates, and the shot-for-shot nature of the film only serves to highlight how Vaughn is wrong for the role originated by Anthony Perkins. Where Perkins was skinny and slight, Vaughn (the 1998 Vince Vaughn) was fit and handsome. Though he tries to play up the social awkwardness, there is something far more intimidating about him upfront. Perkins worked so well because he was the portrait of "non-threatening". Perkins played it as a naive adolescent. Vaughn comes across as an awkward frat boy who'd probably have a healthy stock of date-rape pills in his cupboard.

But beyond the remake, the cable's been playing all the PSYCHO movies... this is what I find interesting about the *series*...

PSYCHO (1960)
PSYCHO II (1983)
PSYCHO IV* (1990)
PSYCHO (1998)

[* I don't think PSYCHO IV counts as much because it was made for television.]

I find the sequels interesting because they are not "reboots". (A popular idea in modern Hollywood movie-making wherein the continuity of the series is WIPED CLEAN and we start over with a fresh re-imagining of the movie series... including changing up the look of the films, tinkering with characters, setting, backstory, the works... see BATMAN BEGINS.) No, 1983's PSYCHO II is a direct sequel to 1960's PSYCHO. Anthony Perkins reprises his role as Norman Bates. It takes place in the current day, as Norman is released from a mental institution where he's been locked up since the events of the original film. There's more violence and nudity than they could get away with in 1960... but it doesn't really struggle with the weight of original's reputation. It's simply a continuation of the saga.

It's strange looking back at the two PSYCHO movies from the 80s because it's also a portrait of a different Hollywood. These were hard R-rated horror movies. These days, there's so much more hand-wringing and double-guessing before a movie gets greenlit, and it often shows in the final products. There's a different feel to a movie that's been rewritten by a dozen different writers. The PSYCHO sequels may not be classics, but there's a certain charm to them that is hard to find in the modern Hollywood sausage-factory blockbuster.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Top Goodfellas

Did you hear that Tom Cruise almost starred in GOODFELLAS? It's a fact! I find these alternate universe casting could-a-beens fascinating.

Madonna was supposedly considered for the role of Karen Hill, too. I doubt that would've gotten very far, but this is what it might've looked like:

Believe it... OR NOT!

Monday, October 04, 2010

October Rises from the Grave

Finished wiping out an old credit card debt that I'd been whittling down since my early 20s.

Paid my lawyer his 10%.

Paid the Writers Guild of America their 1.5%. (Which should also restore my health benefits.)

Finally got around to paying my accountant for doing my taxes.

Everybody's like, "Fuck you, PAY ME..." and I'm all like, "You want ya fuckin money?! HERE! HERE'S ya goddamn money, yiz happy now? Now leave me alone!"

Get paid a little and it's like a feeding frenzy.

October should be some fun, though. Before the holidays start complicating the world.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

24 Accents

Cebu Pacific

I want to go to here.

Friday, October 01, 2010

Rotten Marula Fruit Hangover

Rotting marula fruit begins fermenting in the bellies of all the animals that consumed it... getting them all totally fuckin' shitfaced.

I know it's Friday and you're at work but do yourself a favor and watch the video with headphones:

Welcome October.