Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chance Meeting at a Dissecting Table

Excerpt from a SLATE article about a book of old photographs of med students posing with cadavers:
The images, which were taken at medical schools across the country, generally display groups of student dissectors posing with their cadavers. At times, the students—who are mostly male but occasionally female—are actively dissecting. Not surprisingly, many of the cadavers look less like human beings than pieces of meat.

But in other images, especially those involving the skeletons that students used to help identify the bones and other landmarks in their cadavers, the dead are in unnatural positions, either by themselves or with students. A cadaver smokes a pipe; skeletons play cards; skeletons hug their dissectors; skeletons are even propped up to appear as though they are dissecting sleeping students...
Be sure to check out the accompanying slideshow. (Spooky!)

Speaking of death, have you heard about this swine flu thing? Parents, please look after your little ones...

And finally...

Shittiest Media Job Listing Ever. Sign of the times, eh?

[Frowny faces]

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

FALLOUT 3 (finally) PWNED

I stopped playing Fallout 3 around Christmas, but I've finally gone back and beaten the damned thing. Hours upon hours of wandering around a post-apocalyptic Washington D.C., and I've finally beaten it...!

But... at what cost...?

How I Wish You Were Here

The problem with this city... one of the problems of this godforsaken city... is that I'm never having as much fun as I really, rightly deserve to be having.

Hey Lucy - Watch more Funny Videos

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Learned a new acronym this weekend.


Fear Of Missing Out.

This is what motivates me to do 99% of what I do. Something might just happen that's really cool and I'd hate to miss it. Which is why I'm willing to go pretty far out of my comfort zone... just in case...

Unfortunately(?), in New York City someone's always having a better time than you somewhere... but you just gotta keep chasing that dragon...

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Bitch is Back

An old friend came to visit the city over the weekend, with his young family in tow. Hadn't seen him and his wife in ages, and it was my first time meeting their five-year-old daughter. It was his birthday on Friday and I was almost going to get him "The Bitch Kit" as an inside-joke gift, but I ultimately decided that $20 was a *little* more than I was willing to pay for the humor-value.

(These letter pads ALMOST sold me, though...)

When I met up with them Friday afternoon, they'd already paid a visit to the Statue of Liberty and gone through MoMA. We lunched at Cafe Duke and as a reward for behaving at the museum, we escorted young Amelia to the American Girl store; apparently, this is a known institution for little girls and confused little boys.

You can buy different outfits for your doll(s). You can buy a pet llama. And if your little brother happens to smash your doll's face in, you can send it in to be repaired and they'll return your doll wearing a hospital gown. (As if your doll had gone to rehab.) There's a salon in the store where grown women are paid to tend to your doll's hair. And a 30-day clinic that assists dolls with eating disorders. I am not making any of this up.

Amelia was rewarded with a doll and an outfit for her troubles.

We settled down at a nearby Au Bon Pain for a spell. Being familiar with the limits of Luc's... culinary adventurousness... I made dinner reservations at the UWS comfort-food standby Good Enough to Eat, for his birthday dinner.

Ann kept Amelia occupied, playing out little "scenes" with Amelia's new American Girl doll as Amelia both directed and performed.

From there, we headed up toward FAO Schwarz. Radio City was hosting some big 2009 NFL Draft thingamawhat. Amelia discovered that she could make me laugh by spontaneously turning toward me and making faces.

"She's hamming it up because she knows she's got a fresh audience who doesn't know her material," replied Luc, who'd clearly seen this routine before. "She'll just keep doing that until she stops getting a reaction from you. Then she'll switch it up." But I gotta admit, the bit just kept getting funnier and funnier to me while mom and dad managed to tune it out completely.

As we approached FAO Schwarz, Luc told Amelia that she wasn't going to actually get anything at the iconic toy store. Her sunny demeanor immediately turned to storm clouds. Once inside, though, her troubles were forgotten for a while...

Luc promised that he and I would perform the scene from BIG on the piano...

... but in reality, there are so many kids running about that damn piano—which is entirely unsupervised by staff—that it would be impossible to attempt. With no encouragement needed, Amelia promptly kicked off her shoes and began running across the keys.

Luc remarked that the resulting discordant cacophony resembled a John Cage composition. Somehow, the droll reference sailed straight over the heads of bouncing children.

Moving on through the store, Amelia found something she wanted to get, whereupon Luc had to remind her that she wasn't going to be getting anything here. The storm clouds returned with a vengeance. "YOU LIED TO ME!" she wept.

Literally wept. The sense of mortal betrayal palpable.

Luc picked her up and tried to console her next to a wall of classic Star Trek action figures. I admit, I remember being the kid in the toy store crying because I couldn't get some toy that really wouldn't have mattered much to me in the long run. I have no idea what that's about. Testing the boundaries of your parents? Being blissfully unaware of the value of a dollar, with a constant hunger for instant gratification?

"We've gotta be careful she doesn't turn into a B-R-A-T," offered Ann, using the age-old Enigma Code of spelling to throw Amelia off the scent of criticism.

"It's getting harder to spell words she doesn't know," Ann added, with some worry.

After the FAO Schwarz incident, we took a little horse carriage ride to rest our feet and help cheer Amelia up. (To be fair, it didn't take much to cheer Amelia up; I don't know that I've met a more irrepressible child.)

I've walked past those horse carriages about a million times but haven't took a ride in one since I was a little kid. It's a really strange sensation. And a fairly short trip for a whopping 40 clams. (O!, but the timeless romance of it is priceless!)

It managed to pacify Amelia for a little while. At one point, she shushed her mom because she wanted to meditate amidst the peaceful clip-clopping of horse hooves.

The American Girl coolly appraised her surroundings and waited ever so patiently for the right moment to come to life...

After the horses, I somehow managed to convince the family to walk from East 60th all the way up to West 83rd. I'm kind of a jerk like that. And it saved me a precious Metrocard swipe.

Amelia ran out of steam somewhere along the way, but gamely kept mugging for me from the perch of her father's back.

(Amelia and I took turns riding on the shoulders of Treebeard.)

When we arrived at Good Enough to Eat, they were shooting a film called "Twelve" right outside, starring Kiefer Sutherland and directed by Joel Schumacher. It was like dinner theater. I tried to plan it so that the hot cornbread was being served to us while the production readied their first shot.

Kiefer was nowhere in sight, but Luc was the first to spot Schumacher.

Ann ordered the shrimp pasta. Amelia had the mac & cheese from the kids menu. Luc got the chicken fingers and I had the fish & chips. Coconut cake and a lemon bar for dessert. (And two glasses of sangria for Uncle Malice.) They were gonna treat me, but I cut them off at the pass (aka, on the way to the bathroom) and covered it all. Nobody beats me on my own turf. Nobody.

After dinner, I walked them down the block and hailed a cab for them. Ann gave me a hug and Amelia wrapped her arms around my pants legs. "It's not the last time you're gonna see him," huffed Luc at the gaudy display. And off they went.

I'm not easily a fan of other people's children, but Amelia won me over. For some reason, made me think of this old movie I saw as a kid, Savannah Smiles, where this little girl wins over the cold hearts of two grizzled old escaped convicts. Made me think, it'd be nice to be a dad one day.

My luck, though, I'd probably end up with some asshole kid...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Bea Arthur Has a Posse

Jim Henson, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger... those universal memories of where you were when you found out about their untimely deaths.

Now, Bea Arthur has a posse...

For posterity sake, I found out while watching a production of WAITING FOR GODOT on Broadway. And I promptly shared the news with the Mormon sitting next to me.

86 years, we hardly knew yeh...

Thank you for being a friend! (Anyone else gonna think about using that line in an obit piece for her, I wonder...?)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Here Comes the Sun

Good lord, it's so gorgeous outside today, I just want to fucking murder someone.

When cats get stoned and listen to techno

Do yourself a favor:



(It's fun anthropomorphizing cats because they're like the douchebags of domestic pets!)

Friday, April 24, 2009

Nienke Klunder

1975 girl.
Working mainly in sequences and series, she often uses self-portraiture to explore themes of identity and transformation. Her series are visual essays that are in turn comic, tragic, sexual and political. Moving between the roles of photographer and subject, her work has the effect of a series of cinematic stills with each image containing a larger story.
Click picture to visit her website.

Don't Drink, Don't Smoke, What Do You Do?

New High Score Alert:


Scored Wednesday. So close to breaking the fifty mark, it's literally heart-wrenching.

Trying to get healthier. Beyond the regular exercise thing. Five hours of cardio a week is fine, but I've been living with no regard for tomorrow. I need to start living as if I've got a longer, brighter future ahead of me. A future I won't want abruptly ended. A future where my world may be larger and less self-centered than it is right here, right now. Right here, right now.

Right here, right now!
Right here, right now!
Right here, right now!
Right here, right now!
Right here, right now!
Right here, right now!

Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find your love's not real...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Return of the Jedi

An old friend returns to the scene of the crime today. With family.

It's been a minute.

The world was so different the last time he was here. I guess you could say that my world has improved, but at what cost? (And for how long...?)

I assume he'll give me a buzz at some point after he arrives. You know, for kicks.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Curious Case of Andy Milonakis

Andy Milonakis may perennially look like a prepubescent boy, but he's... about my age. 33 as of this entry.

IMDB trivia tells us that he "suffers from a growth-hormone condition that gives him the appearance and voice of an adolescent when, in fact, he is a grown man."

Wikipedia further informs us that he posted his comedic videos on the Internet before Jimmy Kimmel discovered him and eventually served as one of the producers on MTV2's "The Andy Milonakis Show"—which starred Andy Milonakis.

The A.M. Show was a strange comedic oddity, filled with sketches that played off of Milonakis's childlike appearance. The comedy always of the random, alternative sort. The regular cast rounded out by misfits and oddballs in the same vein as "Tim & Eric—Awesome Show, Great Job!" is. With some sketches featuring unscripted encounters with people on the street, and others featuring higher profile guests spots.

In one of the final episodes, Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) guests as... some sort of wizard that helps Andy out when Andy grows weary of his own signature weird comedy.

Reubens, of course, helps to restore Andy's ability to produce weird comedy. Which leads to Andy's profuse gratitude and this exchange:

Where would I be without you?

You'd be original!

What do you mean by that?

(laughs then flies away)

It was a good show. Not everyone's cup of tea, mayhap, but it made me laugh and that's all that counts here.

(a love i could not obey)

a split second...

one infinitesimal moment of a moment...

for one brief shock of incalculable time, i considered writing her tonight...

but we're worth more than that at this hour. even at this hour. aren't we, though?

(the royally drunken "we".)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

J.G. Ballard Has a Posse

J.G. Ballard has a posse.

J.G. Ballard has a posse.

J.G. Ballard has a posse.

Христос воскрес!

Shout out to all my Ukrainian peeps! Christ is risen, motherfuckers! Christ is goddamn mothafuckin risen!

Monday, April 20, 2009

This Isn't Me, I'm Not Mechanical

My mum came to visit me on Saturday. We sit down to lunch and she's telling me this story that is just filled with all these details. I'm slightly hungover and trying hard to make sense of what she's telling me, and about halfway through it hits me like a sucker-punch:

There is no point to this story.

There will be no pay-off. No punch-line. No greater lesson or meaning about life, the universe or anything. Just a middle-aged woman offering me some random anecdote from her life—filled with minute details that sound like they should pay-off but, in fact, are complete red herrings.

I realize this and, for a moment, my heart fills with panic. I feel trapped. At this table, at this restaurant. I'm not here to have an interesting conversation. I'm here to pretend to be a good son. To pretend to be interested in the mundane minutiae of this woman's life.

A story about locking her keys in her car. A story about having some dresses altered. I tense up and try to seem interested. I listen to a story about what she had for breakfast the other day as if she were debriefing me on some secret ops mission. "Eggs," I say, for confirmation. "Hard-boiled eggs? How many?"

I could not care less about any of this. But this is the life she leads and she is offering me these stories as precious gems. And she is my mother, and I love her, and she makes the effort to come visit me because she misses me so I don't want to be rude. I want to give her the good son routine.

But it occurs to me in that moment... I don't know how that routine goes.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Cat's in the Cradle

It occurs to me that I haven't seen my father since the ill-fated wedding, nearly 6 years ago.

It would probably be good not to let a full decade go by without checking in on him.

(I have 4 more years to consider this.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

10:35 on a Lonely Friday Night

It was only last June when her old man ran away...
She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone 2 stay...
It was 10:35 on a lonely friday night...
She was standin' by the bar --
Mmm, she was lookin' all right... yeah...

I asked her if she wanted 2 dance
And she said that all she wanted was a good man
And wanted 2 know
if I thought I was qualified, yeah...

And I said, "Baby don't waste your time...!
I know what's on your mind...!
I may be qualified
4 a one night stand...

But I could never take the place... of your man!"

It hurt me so bad when she told me
with tears in her eyes--
He was all she ever had and now she wanted 2 die...
He left her with a baby and another one on the way...
She couldn't stop cryin' cause she knew he was gone 2 stay...

She asked me if we could be friends
And I said, "Oh, honey baby, that's a dead end!
U know and I know... that we wouldn't be satisfied!"

And I said, "Baby! Don't waste your time!
I know what's on your mind!
U wouldn't be satisfied
with a one night stand...
... and I could never take the place... of your man!"

Life is Just a Party (and parties weren't meant 2 last)

Hurt myself at the gym the other day, trying some new things. My arms have been aching. And Thursday night, the arch of my foot started hurting. I don't really care. The pain's cathartic, you know? Clean and redemptive, like. You just want to bask in that sort of pain.

It's occurred to me that, aside from hitting the gym regularly, I have been leading a fairly unhealthy life. Trying to remedy this. Incrementally. Ever, ever so incrementally.

Some Crackberry pics I shot in the Dimension conference room while I waited for the suits to arrive for our meeting on Wednesday...

They gave me this bottle of water FOR FREE!

Apologies for the shitty shot composition in these. I was trying to take these pics quickly. "Spy Kids" and "The Crow".

"H20" and "Bad Santa".

Some Kevin Smith movie and "1408". At one point, this really pretty girl walks into the conference room to retrieve something and I totally tried to make it look like I was just checking my phone for messages and NOT taking pictures of the fucking conference room like some kind of tourist douchebag.

(This is why I'm alone in the world.)

While we're sharing cell phone pics, what the fuck are they building at the 96th Street red-line subway station...?

I guess it has something to do with THIS...

The view from inside the station. So surreal and oddly discomforting to see the sunlight shining down on the underground subway platforms. Like the post-apocalypse in my heart.

"All well and good, but erm... isn't there some writing you should be doing...?" the Gay Horse nagged.

Terribly Productive Shuffled 5:
1. "I Love the Spirit World and I Love Your Father", The Fucking Champs
2. "I Turn My Camera On", Spoon
3. "Uncle Alvarez", Liz Phair
4. "The Whores Hustle and the Hustlers Whore", PJ Harvey
5. "Get in the Ring", Guns N' Roses

Procrastination Bonus
"Teen Beat Ocean", Jackson And His Computer Band

(As long as we're traipsing down memory lane, remember this classic entry from my office days???)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Suckaz Will Get Served

Look at this sweet-faced girl who got caught with a massive arsenal. She must know about the approaching war with the robots.

Speaking of war, I fucking hate how YouTube has turned into such Nazis about deleting videos that don't have thorough music clearances. It is completely fucking obnoxious. Full of ads and corporate bullshit, YouTube's become the enemy of fun. Pretty soon, it'll just be a wasteland of talking head vlogs.

Yesterday's meeting went really well. Details... eventually...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You Set Me Up, Bitch!

Meeting at Dimension this morning to have an "informal chat".

Might be a longshot but we gotta do what we gotta do, ya feel meh?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This is the Score

New High Score:


I'm not really trying to break these numbers. I don't know how they happen. A confluence of factors. The right tracks shuffling into play on my iPod. The right frame of mind. And honestly, these machines must be a little wacky. (Though the competitor in me does like to steal glances at the *scores* of the people on the machines next to me, and no one is ever near the grand mark!)

You're all sooo very impressed with me, aren't you? Just admit it. (Now, doesn't that make you feel better?)

I like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs's It's Blitz!. (That counts as an album review.)

I want a machine that can stop time so I can take a week or two to finish revising a script that really should only take me a few days. But I've been suffering this terrible, procrastinating funk lately.

Really, there are days I wish I were a better person than I am.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Lazy Monday Entry





(You call this "blogging"?!)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Bob's Game

What is Bob's Game?

"... a top down 2D adventure game built over the course of five years by a single person..."

One Robert Pelloni.

Designed and programmed the entirety of it completely alone. With the hopes of getting it published on the Nintendo DS.

"Fuck that!" says Nintendo.

This is precisely why no one should work hard or have dreams.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Vingt-Quatre Heures

"24" as if it were an old Truffaut film. (I like the detail of the CTU-esque telephone ring.)

Part of a Stella Artois ad campaign that also features versions of...

"Die Hard" (patterned after the plot of "... with a Vengeance", for those keeping score)

and "8-Mile".

Strip Search!

I DVR'ed this thing called "Strip Search"—primarily because it was called "Strip Search" and the program guide promised me some capital NUDITY...

Well, STRIP SEARCH turned out to be this hour-long drama directed by Sidney Lumet...

Had the feeling of a stage play.

Two parallel scenes, intercut. One takes place in China, where an American woman (Maggs Gyllenhaal) is interrogated by Ken Leung. The other scene's in NYC, where an Arab dude is interrogated by Glenn Close. The dialogues in the parallel scenes are oftentimes identical, but the different contexts (acting choices, gender/race politics) change everything.

Ken Leung is surprisingly good in a role where he's not playing the same Asian-American dick-hole character he's come to patent. Carrying a subtle Chinese accent that might arguably err a little too American but doesn't seem incongruous to the setting.

Turns out that Tom Fontana wrote it, which makes a lot of sense. Because Dean Winters gets a role in it. And Fontana comes from playwriting and it shows here.

A little search brought me to this account of the rocky history of this program, which was apparently cut down from its original length of 88 minutes and buried in HBO's 2004 schedule.