Dear Millions,

What's YOUR Ya-Ya Name?!

Find out here.

My name is "Queen Cold-as-Ice".

C's name is "Viscountess Crazy-as-a-Loon".

Mui's name is "Empress Strong Arrow".

Roger's name is "Empress Shakes Her Booty".

Dirty Stylus's name is "Duchess Strong Cloud".

Nicholas Gaffney's name is "Princess Shining Star".

Dr. Craig's name is "Countess Fresh-as-a-Daisy".

David Cohen's name is "Queen Shops Too Much".

My sister's name used to be "Viscountess Lost in the Clouds", but now that she's married and changed her name, she's "Countess Running Mascara".

Had enough...? Wanna spend $10 to see 120 minutes more...?

This looks like the worst movie in the history of movie-making...

Dear Death Eaters,

it's been a while since i've posted to this message-in-a-cyberspace-bottle known as BLOG. to the few of you out there who noticed, my apologies.

finished editing my sister's wedding video. clocks in at a breezy 23 minutes. now, if i could only find a bunch of 30 minute tapes, i could start making copies and sending them to the appropriate family members... (this is your cue to post a suggestion for where i could find blank 30 minute VHS tapes)

couldn't bring myself to buy HARRY POTTER on DVD today. almost, but not quite. i think, maybe, in 20-30 years -- after all the books have come out, after all these movie adaptations of these books are made to varying degrees of failure -- someone with a unique vision might be able to take the whole thing and remake it into truly spellbinding cinema.

in 30 years, i'll be 56 -- hopefully, i'll have sold a damned screenplay by then...

anyway, i bought THE OTHERS on DVD instead.

dealing with more family drama tonight. well, C is, but I am dealing with them through the transitive axiom. i won't go into details. perhaps C will detail the story on her page, but suffice it to say -- it is exasperating when someone is given so many chances and fails every one of them... (vague enough for you?)

Read Ed Lin's WAYLAID. It is one kick-butt book. Sorry I don't have the energy to talk it up more right now...

dear few and a far-between,

so, i'm sure you're all wondering why i haven't see STAR WARS, EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE CLONES as of yet, since it has been open for over 24 hours now...

well, i've got this friend from college, Dave, and we used to see almost every movie together... up until we both got ourselves some serious girlfriends within the past two years. anyway, we've been talking about the Star Wars prequels since back when we were freshmen in college, back in '93. ("I hear he's actually starting to work on them. They're going to be PREQUELS...") so i figured, if i only got to see 1 movie w/ dave this year, it ought to be a Star Wars movie.

But he's working out of town all weekend.

So we're going to have to see it Monday night.

Adulthood is sobering.

The sad thing is how much spoiler information I *already* know about the movie. Anakin gets bitten by a radioactive ewok and turns into Chewbacca. Lando Calrissian's father, Bubba, turns out to be the cousin of Jabba the Hut. And Jar Jar Binks moved to L.A. to start an acting career, had his lover killed, tried to commit suicide over the guilt, then had a 90 minute dream sequence. The Lucas camp better try to keep a better lid on these details with Episode 3...

dear singles,

got back from my sister's wedding in chicago yesterday. long trip. lots of family. C met the filipino roots that she'll be acquiring through marriage.

i gave my toast. i was quietly anxious about it all weekend, and i was up at 6am on Sunday working it out in my head. all that work to not seem nervous. i had one too many glasses of wine right before i had to go up there, so i was trying real hard to focus and keep it together before they handed me the mic. but my head cleared up and i delivered my speech and everyone seemed to like it okay. only then could i begin to relax...

instead of throwing the bouquet to a crowd of single women, as the old tradition goes, my sister handed it directly to C., and said some very nice words about our upcoming wedding. then somewhere over the course of the festivities, SOMEONE STOLE THE BOUQUET!

TO THE PERSON WHO STOLE THE BOUQUET:
It is only a matter of time before we hunt you down like the dog that you are. There's nowhere to run. There's nowhere to hide. Surrender and we may find mercy for your soul...

Dear Children of the Revolution:

I was reading an article in Time Magazine about Robo-Rats. Scientists managed to hook up tiny computers directly into rat brains and thereby control the movements of the rats.

I think this part-rat/part-machine idea is a tremendous new trend. I can't wait to have my apartment infested with bionic rats. Because I think that we can trust that vermin would use their new superpowers responsibly. And I'm all for giving our evolutionary successors a little boost. Our kind have dominated this planet for long enough, I say. Let's create some cockroaches with nuclear-capabilities while we're at it. And mosquitos with tiny, sawed-off shotguns.

Off the topic completely, I'm off to Chicago this weekend to attend my sister's wedding. If you need to reach me, you can call my new cell phone: (212) 479-7990.

I have to give a toast at the wedding. I'm going to have to think something up on the plane...

Dear Proles,

Long weekend...

Attended wedding of Mike & Nancy. (The "re-wedding", actually. They got married in Las Vegas last year, and I think their parents forced them to "do it right." Doing it right, apparently, means doing it Filipino/Catholic-Mass style.) The after-party was lovely and relatively low-key... a possible template for me and C...

Went to the annual Asian American Heritage festival in Union Square on Sunday. I will not go into the roll call of people I did not want to see there, but you know who you fucking are. One person I was thankful I did NOT see was Yongsoo Park, one of the biggest vermin infesting the Asian American community in the early 21st century.

He's been putting the word out on Asian Arts lists that he's casting for a feature film. Then he calls me and asks if my fiancee might be interested in auditioning for the lead part. I explain that she's not really an actress first and foremost and that she's actually a playwrite. After he dismisses this as the ploy that it was, he hits me with the request for what he REALLY wanted: to use my DV camera and editing equipment to make his movie. What a dumb-fucking asshole. I'll take pleasure in watching him choke on his hack mediocre obscurity. He represents all that is wrong with the Asian American community. He is why we fail.

OK, I'll stop with this rant. I lose enough readership as it is.

Go see Spiderman again, people. It's not Asian. It's not perfect. But it's still pretty cool...

Oh, and check out Steve Huang's web page. (Or whatever it is.) Steve's still in my "good" book... for now..

Dear Silence,

Spiderman Rocks.