Parents

Saturday night, I found myself in someone's living room surrounded by young Filipino couples and their young children. And I had the creepiest deja vu epiphany. It was like I had memories of being in the same scene, but as a child. Not connecting with and not understanding most of what the grown-ups were talking/laughing about, scavenging for toys to play with as the adults yammered on.

But now, I was in the same scene as one of the grown-ups.

Unmarried and childless. Yet somehow, inescapably, I'd become my parents.

I looked at the faces of my friends and recalled the faces of my parents' friends, when I was a child. How I saw those grown-ups as a child. Now I watched how my friends half-paid attention to their children as I was half-paid attention to in impromptu get-togethers like this.

CHILD: Blah blah blah blah!
PARENT: That's so interesting, honey...

Not to say the children were ignored. There were often the subject of discussion. Like how the 11 year-old daughter of one of them had recently written an essay for a class, about why her parents should buy her a cell phone.

What. Fucking. Happened.

Sometimes, I feel like Rip Van Winkle. One day, I just woke up old. It's like I missed something because I've been so focused on ONE THING for all this time.

I find all of this terrifying.

13 Steps Lead Down

It's criminal how infrequently this blog's updated. I miss what it once was, in some ways.

It's been corrupted along the way. A thousand cuts.

Many reasons.

Blame all around, blame to spare.

But I do miss what this once was and I've not forsaken the idea of it returning to that place one day.

Casey Kasem Has a Posse (Finally)

Kemal Amin "Casey" Kasem
April 27, 1932 – June 15, 2014
Some people's lives turn so dark and bizarre toward the end, it's almost a relief to hear of their death.

Casey Kasem has a posse.

U Talkin' U2 to Me?

This message is for fans *and* former-fans of the band U2.

I highly recommend an Earwolf podcast called "U Talkin' U2 to Me?" starring a pair of Scotts: Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman.

If you love U2, if you used to love U2, if you like comedy... you might like this. Mileage may vary.

The podcast starts at the beginning of their career and goes all the way up through Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.

Caveat for U2 fans: it is a comedy podcast and is loaded with many tangents and sometimes very sparse U2 content.

Caveat for non-U2 fans: these guys are legit U2 fans and when they get into talking about U2, they really go into it.

I wasn't really a fan of U2 growing up. I got into them in college, initially as research for a short story. I had a few friends who were serious U2 fans and I wanted to understand what they saw in the band, so I started listening to the albums. A lot. The tail end of my freshman winter break, I was in a new dorm room without a roommate for a spell. I remember being alone in my room, in a mostly empty dorm, assembling jigsaw puzzles while I listened to the U2 discography. That sounds so sad. The jigsaw puzzles distracted me enough so that I could take in the music on another level. It's like I hypnotized myself into being a fan so that I could write this short story that, like, maybe 4 people in the world have read.

Anyway, it's a free podcast, what have you got to lose? Check it out. (You know who you fucking are.)

A Normal Life

I was watching this 60 Minutes segment on Coach Frank Hall tonight. An assistant football coach at an Ohio high school who helped stop a school spree-kill. This guy ended up leaving the school to coach football at a poorer school nearby that needed him more. He and his wife are raising adopted children. He teaches his students how to be great football players and how to be Men. Aside from making me miss Friday Night Lights, the segment made me think about the different paths people take in life.

Part of it is just that everyone's having kids now. It's funny. You go through this period when everyone's getting married, then a few years later there's this period when everyone's having kids.

But NYC is a little different. Most of my friends are pursuing bigger career goals/dreams.

Watching this 60 Minutes segment, though... made me think about how there are a lot of people who don't live to chase after career goals. Most people are just looking for a good job that affords them a comfortable life and a means to raise a family. And there's a part of me that finds that idea oddly appealing. Just a simple life somewhere where the cost of living isn't so obscene. Raising a family, being a dad.

I've resigned myself to the idea that I'm going to be chasing my career goals for the foreseeable future. That doesn't necessarily have to exclude relationships, but it feels like it sometimes.