Sunday, June 22, 2014


Saturday night, I found myself in someone's living room surrounded by young Filipino couples and their young children. And I had the creepiest deja vu epiphany. It was like I had memories of being in the same scene, but as a child. Not connecting with and not understanding most of what the grown-ups were talking/laughing about, scavenging for toys to play with as the adults yammered on.

But now, I was in the same scene as one of the grown-ups.

Unmarried and childless. Yet somehow, inescapably, I'd become my parents.

I looked at the faces of my friends and recalled the faces of my parents' friends, when I was a child. How I saw those grown-ups as a child. Now I watched how my friends half-paid attention to their children as I was half-paid attention to in impromptu get-togethers like this.

CHILD: Blah blah blah blah!
PARENT: That's so interesting, honey...

Not to say the children were ignored. There were often the subject of discussion. Like how the 11 year-old daughter of one of them had recently written an essay for a class, about why her parents should buy her a cell phone.

What. Fucking. Happened.

Sometimes, I feel like Rip Van Winkle. One day, I just woke up old. It's like I missed something because I've been so focused on ONE THING for all this time.

I find all of this terrifying.


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