god save the queen

it's the MeowKing's birthday today. 30 years, he's graced us with his benevolent plutocracy.

but, as they say, all bad things must continue indefinitely.

will he survive the night? your guess is as good as mine. but i didn't get him anything, so i'm writing this entry... for you, pal. coz i'm pretty broke and i want to have some money to drink tonight.

live and let die, brother. live and let die.

purple prose of cairo

newop turned me onto this blog called Greg the Boyfriend, which i ended up poring through yesterday afternoon. talk about a confessional blog. i could never be that open here. too many people i know (potentially) read this. i created a secret blog where i could write more openly, but i almost never update it coz nobody fucking reads it! what's the point of writing something that nobody will read?

yet my need to encrypt the things i write here renders some entries nearly incomprehensible...!

well, unlike "Greg", i've got to keep details vague, sparse or omitted.

so... how about this crazy weather, eh?

(meowking sleeps with the fishes.)

the air around an object controls its shape

in my dream, i'm brutal.

potassium is the seventh most abundant metal and is the cause of 1.5% of the weight in the earth's crust. however, it is never found free in nature -- like the scattered teeth of your ancestors.

the veracity of my misinformation is directly affected by the angle of incidence -- as well as the incident medium! WHERE ARE MY SLIPPERS???

your fatal mistake was expecting a hamster to do a gerbil's job. may heaven forgive you, because hell won't return your calls. is that a ketchup stain? heh heh.

the basilisk is the clotted cream of mythological creatures. however, clotted cream is NOT the basilisk of the solid/semi-solid fat matrix. everyone sees this, why can't you...? answer me.

WHO WANTS ICE CREAM!!?????

BATSHIT!!!

I gotta get out of here!!!

the money pit

i've worked it out in my head and there's no way for me to move without diving deeper in debt. broker fee + security + moving company = $$$, not even considering the new monthly rent.

every time i feel like i've gotten to a decent place with my debt, i'm forced to spend a crapload of money. coz i'm a sucker. because the world conspires against me...!

P I T Y ! ! !

it's all right. you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF "GOOD" A LONG TIME AGO!!!

MORE PITY ! ! !

i heart new york. (a heart with clogged arteries.)

have you met malice highload?

when you can't sleep, nothing is real.

i may have gotten an hour of sleep last night. that's generous. and if it happened, it didn't happen continuously. and none of it was good. i'm starting to lose the plot.

all the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

the days go on and on... they don't end. all my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. i don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, i believe that one should become a person like other people.

if you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

toys in the attic

i've called in "sick" today because i just needed a little mental space. because i'm fucking mental. so if you happen to read this, you can email me at home today. or try calling around to the local loony bins.

herewith -- inspired by my previous entry -- a list of ways i'd rather not die:

- in an elevator
- in the middle of the ocean
- in a plane crash
- burned alive
- gradual deterioration (the likeliest way i *will* die...)
- humiliation

well, i hope i've cheered you down a bit. if not, try to imagine dying in those scenarios. [close your eyes and give each one a good 5 minutes.] how does it feel? don't thank me -- pay it forward!

happy "hump" day, silent readers.

BEAT KIDS!

KIDS ON THE BEAT!
KIDS ON THE STREET!
BEAT KIDS!! BEAT KIDS!!

i can't get that theme song out of my skull. from a segment on my favorite new discovery "Wonder Showzen", which airs at absurd hours on MTV2.

how about this weather, huh? you could steam dumplings on the sidewalk... which is not a bad idea...

nothing like an blog entry on the weather. you can tell i'm hiding something when i start blogging about the weather. i'm tempted to bestow the dintinction of "Worst Summer Ever" upon this hellish season, but i figure there's a good month and a half left on this motherfucker. all sorts of horrible, unthinkable things could transpire before the curtains lower.

co-worker barbecue this past weekend. wayyy outside the comfort of this godforsaken city. hitched a ride back to civilization with some other coworkers. narrowly avoided a bad car accident. while everybody else in the car was relieved, i couldn't stop thinking about how everything almost came to an abrupt end. it might have been an anticlimactic end -- with so many loose threads -- but it might have been poetic. dying with a bunch of people i barely know. ha ha.

is it only tuesday mourning!? i swear, it feels like i've been here FOREVER!!

loser inc.

i'm not going to be bitter. i'm not going to be sore or start talking trash about the whole thing.

i'm not going to try to spin it into something positive, either. i *wanted* to win. i *didn't* win. and yes, i am disappointed. if anyone could have used a fucking "win" this year, it's me...

i'm not going to say i have no regrets, because i've got bloody regrets. i could have envisioned something more ambitious. something more whimsical. something with more imagination. i'm capable of more. i am better than i am. on many levels.

but in a way, maybe i made the movie i needed to make.

the movies that won deserved to win. (perhaps my fatal mistake was aiming to beat the movies that won last year.) it's not enough to be technically sound. you've got to capture people's imagination. (you've got to capture kurt loder's imagination.) i crafted a good movie. arguably, a movie that was more dramatically sound than the winners. but dramatic structure means nothing if the thing doesn't grab you. and for all my pseudo-intellectual film school pontificating, i got bested by higher concepts.

i doubt i'll participate in the shootout next year. but i'm going to keep making my films. i don't think i *ought* to be a spokesperson for this community. but i know i can go further. could have used a 'win', but i'm always trying to keep my eyes on the bigger picture. and i'm not dead.

yet.

malice never sleeps

went to bed around midnight last night, got up around 2. couldn't get back to sleep. started watching cable and dvds until the sun came up. insomnia is a bitch. today, i am a walking nightmare. all i want to do is get home and collapse. but i've got to go to MTV after work to find out if i won anything in the "72 hour film lottery". but i find that i just don't give a crap anymore. i just want a little sleep. can somebody hook that up for me?

i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier

nothing quite like a monday mourning knowing that you've agreed to do overtime, and you've got to do the work of 3 other people. all i can do is pray that today's one of those uncommonly slow days. (for a person who's not religious, i certainly do a lot of praying.)

this started as such a productive weekend and then the machine just fell to pieces. one of these days, i'll acquire the technologies to make my life work properly... perhaps when those Scientologists write me back...

skip the subway, let's go to the overground

the phantom terrorists strike again. A series of explosions hit buses and subways in London. It is a great time to be afraid.

There are plenty of other, far-better blogs where you can read more about this spate of attacks.

i was going to mention that i saw perhaps the best play i've ever seen last night. technically, it was remarkable -- but upon that, it spoke to me like nothing's spoken to me in a long while.

why won't anyone speak to me!??!

and all that could have been

how i've grown to despise the anniversaries. those calendar days infused with some greater meaning, some precious significance. milestones to collect, to mount on the wall, to pin to your fucking sleeve.

now, they're just reminders of all that was, and all that could have been...

no offense to any of the people i spent time with this weekend, but i've just had a lousy 4 days.

one day, a great flood will come and flush away all of this shit...

while you're waiting, you can play with this or watch this.