loser inc.

i'm not going to be bitter. i'm not going to be sore or start talking trash about the whole thing.

i'm not going to try to spin it into something positive, either. i *wanted* to win. i *didn't* win. and yes, i am disappointed. if anyone could have used a fucking "win" this year, it's me...

i'm not going to say i have no regrets, because i've got bloody regrets. i could have envisioned something more ambitious. something more whimsical. something with more imagination. i'm capable of more. i am better than i am. on many levels.

but in a way, maybe i made the movie i needed to make.

the movies that won deserved to win. (perhaps my fatal mistake was aiming to beat the movies that won last year.) it's not enough to be technically sound. you've got to capture people's imagination. (you've got to capture kurt loder's imagination.) i crafted a good movie. arguably, a movie that was more dramatically sound than the winners. but dramatic structure means nothing if the thing doesn't grab you. and for all my pseudo-intellectual film school pontificating, i got bested by higher concepts.

i doubt i'll participate in the shootout next year. but i'm going to keep making my films. i don't think i *ought* to be a spokesperson for this community. but i know i can go further. could have used a 'win', but i'm always trying to keep my eyes on the bigger picture. and i'm not dead.

yet.