Dane Cook was a zombie?

For the record, I hate that I've felt compelled to waste multiple blog entries dedicated to coming to terms with how much I hate the phenomenon of Dane Cook.

I started to watch his HBO special, "Vicious Circle". Everytime I start to watch one of his routines, I tense up with the concern that -- after all my "hating" -- I may actually find his act funny. I go in with an open mind. Yet, half an hour in, nothing is funny. It's less than not-funny. It is grating. More so that he's bouncing around like an undeserving rock star and his unfathomably large audience is supporting it all. Last time I saw a white audience give an unfunny comedian the rock star treatment like this was Andrew Dice Clay, and look how great he turned out. (To be fair, I think Andrew Dice Clay was funnier.)

But don't take MY word for it. An excert from this Salon article:

Even Cook's delivery isn't noteworthy or unique; he sprinkles "bro" and "dude" into every story, he's terrible at impressions and when he's imitating a woman, he inexplicably speaks in a high voice with a lisp, as if he's doing a homophobic imitation of a gay man...

From his sloppy college kid look to his avoidance of anything political, cultural or remotely critical, Cook aims at appealing to those vast numbers of kids who haven't really developed any interests yet, and are most of all focused on having fun with a big group of people. While Seinfeld or Rock or Carlin or Miller react against the world, working themselves into a lather over just how idiotic and bizarre other people's behavior is, Cook's stories all boil down to the most familiar, relatable experiences he's had. His humor doesn't require even a glance at the wider world; it strengthens the bonds within a homogenous group. "Isn't it crazy when you..." or "How weird is it when..." By celebrating the myopia of the young, Cook has become the hottest comedian around.

An audio comparison of how Dane Cook has stolen material from Louis C.K., and made it shittier. (LCK plays first.) I know that some people aren't fans of LCK (cough-merillon-cough), but I don't see how anybody can claim that he's less funny than Dane The-Cocksucker Cook.