Love & Darkness & My Sidearm

Happy 9/11 Remembrances, Y'ALL!

Has it been 5 years already? Coz it feels like an eff-yoo-see-kay-ing lifetime ago. My life was so different. My priorities were so different. Most people probably grew to appreciate their loved ones more. I've gone through the reverse. I've just grown colder and colder. Loved ones are transient figures. Nothing really matters. Except maybe my career and what I'd like to leave behind before I die.
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I watched Paul Greengrass's United 93 this weekend and it knocked me down. Started watching it around 2am and just had to keep watching to the end, it got my adrenaline pounding.

There's a part where they show all these people on that airplane making phone calls to loved ones, saying goodbye. I was trying to imagine what I would do, if I were in that situation today. If I could make just one phone call. I don't think I'd want to call anyone in my family. I'd hate to hear them crying at the end. I imagined I might call her. Say, "I don't love you, but I feel like I want to care about someone before I die, and there was a time when I cared about you completely. So I want to let you know that I'm probably not going to be walking away from this..."

What a wholly morbid anniversary this is...