Poisonous Vent

I've been having the darkest dreams lately. A portrait of how messed up my head has been.

Just recall a fragment of this one dream I had this weekend.

I was talking to someone, I think. On the street? Near a subway station? It might have been a heavy conversation that was distressing on its own. I was about to head down into the train station when I see people begin to run out of it. This one woman is screaming about some poisonous gas leak.

In the dream, I recalled reading a news story about poisonous gas leaks underground. The gas came from some pipes and somehow it acted like an extermination fogger for humans. And now it was happening right in front of me. People racing out of the train station as this white gas cloud burst out after them.

People running and dropping dead on the streets.

The gas shot up out of manholes in the street. Somehow there were a lot of manholes and this gas was everywhere.

I ran into a building that resembled a school gymnasium. But there were manholes in there, too. And the gas was shooting up everywhere. And I knew I was trapped. There was nowhere left to run. This is how I was going to die.

Dying woke me up.

I can't even talk openly about why I've been so messed up lately. I'd suggest that I'd save the juicy details for an autobiography at some point down the line... but even a crack like that implies the optimism that writing an autobiography would represent a viable venture for me at some point in the future. I'm in such a bleak headspace, I have a hard time imagining the future. The future is a poisonous fog rolling across the horizon.

I have a lot to do this week and I am trying to keep sane.