You Only Want the Ones That You Can't Get

I'm pretty sure that GLEE is one of the dumbest shows ever. It started off with promise, succumbed to its own built-in pitfalls and now coasts by with an undiscerning fanbase that is content to hear song covers and watch corny high school drama.

And yet I keep it on as background noise because I rely on a constant stream of distractions to quiet my mind.

I continue to wrestle with meditation. Went to the zendo again on Monday night to retake the beginning meditation class. There were less people there and a different teacher who was more helpful... and still, it was a battle to try to clear my head for any stretch longer than a few seconds at a time.

What becomes clearer is that there are layers of thoughts. There are the surface thoughts—noticing the sound of a police siren dopplering by, catching yourself thinking about groceries or someone you want to kill or some project you should be working on. Then there are these deeper thoughts that you begin to catch... random things further back in the head... you think that you're focused on your breathing and then you realize that you're recalling a memory from childhood or wondering about the girl who's sitting across the way. Often, there is nothing profound or pressing about these thoughts: they are just NOISE. And it's maddening.

I want better focus to become the person I know that I'm capable of being.