the thirties (or "i've always had a crush on kim deal")

I miss being in my twenties. (Said the thirty-something.)

Fuck hindsight. I could say, "I miss being a child and not having to worry about paying for rent and meals..." but I had a deliriously crumby childhood and I don't miss it, nor do I miss elementary/junior/high school and all of that business.

But the twenties. You're an adult but it's like a second chance at childhood. Anything you can accomplish in your twenties is stellar. There's a freedom. Even if you screw up your career, YOU ARE IN YOUR TWENTIES. You're just a kid figuring things out.

You hit your thirties, shit gets real...

For a stretch, I kinda thought I was ahead of the game in my twenties. Before the divorce and all of that drama. But right at thirty, my career took off and the world seemed chummy again.

Now, I'm slouching toward my mid-thirties and despite the fact that I still get carded, everything has increased significance. After living on my own for a number of years, moving to an apartment with roommates again while my career may (or may not) be on the cusp of progressing to the next level. Considering the LONG-VIEW and trying to figure out how I expect to consistently support myself over the next few years. Where do I want to be in 5 years?

Plotting the remaining arc of my life and the strategy to retirement.

I was talking to my pop the other week and he was, characteristically, trying to offer me advice:

"Have you thought of looking for a job in the U.N.?"

"The United Nations?"

"Yeah."

"NO, I haven't looked into that."

"How about NASA?"

"NASA?!??"

"Yes, NASA. N-A-S-A."

"What would I do in NASA?!? I'm a writer!"

"Yeah! You could write speeches."

That's when I realized the reason I never listen to my father's advice is because he doesn't understand ANYTHING about the world. And yet he always needs to offer advice.

He also told me about one of my aunts who was recently diagnosed with leukemia. My old man is always terrific at buzz-kills. Message received: I am genetically doomed.

I'm going to miss living on my own on the Upper West Side.