Lag War!!!

Not to turn this into a geek entry, but I activated the free 48-hour upgrade to XBOX LIVE GOLD that comes with "Halo 3", to see what all the multiplayer hooplah was about.

Have I lost half my readers already? Basically, playing "Halo 3" online is like playing a virtual game of tag with a bunch of strangers. I could theoretically play "Halo 3" online with friends. If I had friends. Who had XBOX 360s. With their own copies of "Halo 3". And XBOX LIVE GOLD memberships. (I don't.)

First couple of random rounds were surprisingly fun. I know this is old stuff for most gamers, but it's all new to me. There are different types of games you can play—and they all feel like playground games! There's the standard "kill everyone that moves" game. There's a game where there's a skull somewhere on the level, and you win points for however long you manage to hold onto that skull before someone kills you. There's a game that's a variation on the classic game of "tag", where one person is The Juggernaut, and everyone tries to kill him... and the person who manages to kill him automatically becomes The Juggernaut... and so on...

I did surprisingly well straight out the gate, with a few of the games, despite my n00b stats. A lot of people play with their headset mikes, talking throughout a game; it's a bit unsettling to hear strangers talking at you from the television set. But, I admit, it was gratifying to hear one player say, "Nice game, Malice..."—after I pwned a game.

Of course, my winning streek took a nosedive as my stats improved and I got swiftly paired with more experienced players. But what really started to ruin me was THE LAG...

What if you were running into a battlefield, bullets whizzing through the air, and every so often your field of vision would stutter and you'd end up three steps back... another stutter and you'd end up 10 steps forward...?

(Hint: You'd get really, really killed.)

The online's real glitchy, and I don't know if that's 24/7. But it's fun. Fun weapons and vehicles and boards and games. But the PS3 multiplayer online games are free. And what the fuck am I doing playing motherfucking videogames, goddamn me?!!?

Today's Readings:
Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow talk to their disciples.

Hooray for Women.