Thursday, December 29, 2011

Act 4: Fell in Love with a Girl

Fell in love with a girl on the last day of doing extra work on a movie shoot.

Completely improbable that I would have ever met her. Or that she would contact me based on a few minutes of small talk and me handing her one of my business cards. Or that she ended up being more amazing than I could do justice to with my infantile command of words. Or that we ended up connecting as much as we did and it escalated despite the fact that she was in a long-term relationship...

More probable: that it ended abruptly.

You might find this hard to believe if you read this space regularly, Constant Lurkers, but I have not felt this emotionally wrecked in years. My bedroom is usually overly warm and tonight, sleepless, I am shivering. I suppose it might be seen as a gift that I'm still capable of feeling this level of emotion about someone. An awful, awful gift.

It should be some small measure of solace that it wasn't explicitly ME that was rejected but the timing. It is not. Tonight, I take solace in nothing. I'd take solace in the sleep I'm failing to acquire. I haven't had a decent night of sleep in days. I'd like nothing more than to close my eyes and never wake up.

Oh, boo hoo. Malice is bellyaching because he cared about someone. And now he's writing a fucking blog entry about his feelings. What a solipsistic piece of shit. Ladies and gentlemen, watch as this hapless wonder mourns over all that was and all that could have been.

Wow. I am simply spectacular at failing at life. So much potential. Or so they used to say.

Look away now.


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