Top Secret

I don't know about the rest of you motherfuckers, but I for one am addicted to positive thinking.

Okay, that may not be entirely genuine.

Magical thinking is a weird thing to endorse. The mystical if-then statement. IF you don't step on any cracks on the sidewalk, THEN your parents won't die in an accident today.

It doesn't work. These mental games you play with the universe. Things happen or don't happen, and it may be comforting to imagine you have some degree of control over where the pieces fall... but you don't. Not with your most positive outlook. Sorry, Oprah.

Scientology, on the other hand, totally works. No doubt about it, bub.

"Hallelujah!" ejaculated the Gay Horse.

Thetan Shuffled 5:
1. "Buick Mackane", Guns N' Roses
2. "If things were perfect", Moby
3. "Welcome to Paradise", Green Day
4. "Yeah!", Zwan
5. "Rollercoaster", Sleater-Kinney
E-Meter Bonus:
"Nothing Left 2", Orbital