Chinese Water Torture

I know everyone in the world is too cool to care about Guns N' Roses except for me. There were some rumors that their/his long-gestating new album "Chinese Democracy" was supposed to be released today. I've waited too long for it to get my hopes up over the rumors. Certain "friends" tease me about that album as if I were responsible for the delays...! Linus is the fool for choosing to wait in that pumpkin patch instead of losing his virginity with Sally -- The Great Pumpkin can't be faulted because he isn't real!!!

Axl Rose went from a joke to a cautionary tale. My affection for him and the "Guns N' Roses" brand has evolved since I first got into them, about 43 years ago. Some people seem inexplicably hostile at the idea that he's taken this long to work on one album. They seem damn near offended that anyone would still be interested in this album or this brand. The album leaks just fueled these people.

I don't care. These people are missing the point entirely. There is NO way for ANY album to possibly live up to this much anticipation, to dispel this much ridicule, to warrant the epic production cost and time and personel changes. The history of the production of this one album is circus-level absurd. I imagine purchasing this album will be more akin to buying a copy of a snuff film: more about the morbid curiosity of what it looks like than about the actual content. For all the hooplah over leaked tracks, I imagine only a single track on the album. Pop in the album and you'll hear the voice of Bob Costas in an echo-chamber:

"Approximately 72 hours ago, seven men with buckets on their heads -- armed with machine guns -- forced my family into a van and drove them to an undisclosed location. As I'm recording this, I'm sitting in an empty warehouse... [undecipherable] There's a man with a gun to my head and a tape recorder pointed at my mouth. For the lives of my family and myself, I am reading the following prepared statement..."

I'm no stranger to procrastination and the stress of delivering under scrutiny. I can relate to the idea of hiding from the world for a few years and not getting much done. Arguably, Axl's taken it to an extreme. But that's why I'm rooting for him. The way people cheer for the last person to finish a marathon. They may have clocked the worst time in the race, but they crossed the finish line.

Axl's yet to finish, and the crowd's gone home, but I don't care. I'll be there at the finish line, with a digital camera and a Dixie Cup of water to hand him. Because all those drugs really dehydrate you...