meet my new landlord

Dan Hedaya
although he bears a resemblance to the compact and felonious

Roman Polanski
in voice and character, he mostly resembles a Hedaya character.

that distrustful, mob-like glare. that born n' raised in brooklyn accent.

so explain to me what you do, because what you wrote down -- i don't know what dat is...

and dey PAY you for dat...?

where-djoo grow up...?

play any instruments...?

any kids, pets...?

got any money in da bank...?

and you feel comfortable about yer ability to make dis rent...?

that forward, unblinking stare. sizing me up. each question tinted with a faintly accusatory tone. looking for my tells. scouring for the deal-breaker.

and then my broker stumbles in. late-30s blonde woman, small, fragile, seemingly perpetually hungover, even at a 6pm appointment. resembling hilary clinton and acting like helena bonham carter in fight club after she's overdosed on sleeping pills.

she takes the heat off me. we sign papers. i fork over all my money. and dat's dat. and dere ain nuttin dat nobody cud do aboudit.

i was cured, alright.