run away

i was looking at the remains of my apartment after my actors had left last night, and i meditated on the ruins of everything that was once good and innocent. every sweet memory of the past 5 years has literally been rendered trash. to be sold, donated or -- most likely -- thrown away. like it was all some absurd, elaborate reverie.

this doesn't "happen to everyone".

i'd gladly erase the past 5 years if i could. i'd give up everything "good" in those 5 years. i wish i had never met her. i don't know if she'll ever appreciate how much i've given her in the past 5 years and how little she's left me with. anything she's given me, she's negated on the way out. this isn't just the end of a relationship. this is a betrayal.

i don't know who'll be reading this. silently. conflicted. voyeuristic. but this shitty plot of blog space is mine to sully. and i've got less than zero now. everything has changed. so all bets are off.

(btw, this is so funny it makes me want to blow my brains out!)