nobody loves me

everything hurts today. the sadness is unstoppable. i thought it had settled into a distant numbness but it still hurts like a wet, fresh wound. jesus, i just want to shut out the world, black out the windows and hide until the war is over. i can't emphasize enough how much i am dreading christmas this year. i have never dreaded christmas. it was always one of my favorite fucking holidays. taking time off. buying stuff. giving and getting. now it's just a time to count my misfortunes. i don't even want to see anyone from my fucking family. i don't hate life. life can be fucking remarkable. i just hate my life. my life is the fucking pits. just run away. run as far as you can see...