Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Post-traumatic Stress

Okay. I've been less than well. I wish I could sleep through the night. I have been sleeping poorly and dreaming unpleasantly.

Dusted off a book about abandonment that helped me a few years ago. Has it really been that long since these feelings have hit me this hard?

I'm on the up and down. If you see me, chances are you'll find me on the up. But this is more of a struggle than I thought it would be. I won't lie: this, in fact, sucks. There are times in the day when this hurts like hell. Physically hurts like hell.

This opened up a lot of pain that I've probably been harboring for a while. About a range of things. I miss caring about someone who is not myself. I would like to get over this soon. I would at least like to get to a point where the pain is a quieter ache.

I hate where my head goes at certain hours. I'm always in such a hurry to get over the hurt. And then there's that old nagging fear that tugs at my spine... that I'm going to be alone forever. Maybe this one wouldn't have stood the test of time... but I still wish she could have stayed a little longer, so that we could have seen where it could have gone.


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