Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Perfect on Paper

You know, it's not just The Girl. It's the reopening of old wounds that goes along with this routine. The compounding sensation of loneliness after you've gotten a taste of what it would be to NOT be alone. That feeling that I'm the one who always has to end up alone. There goes Malice the Martyr.

Other people do this without breaking a sweat. Fall into long-term relationships, couple-up. People far, far more mundane than me. I've ended relationships abruptly when I've known my heart wasn't really in them. I don't need to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Just to have a lab partner for class.

The thing I can't get rid of completely is the idea that she was... almost perfect. Perfect on paper, at least. Arguably, more perfect than the one I ended up marrying that one time, even. Which might be damning with faint praise, given how that one ended, but still. The whole affair was exceptionally brief and it hasn't been long since it ended... and I'm still surprised at how difficult it is to shake this one. I don't want to get over this one. Not completely. There is a part of me that wants to keep it fresh. That wants to preserve it under glass.


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