advice-o-holics

it's tiring. the search for answers. the search for solutions. it's like searching for the holy grail: the fucking thing doesn't exist, and even if it did it probably doesn't do the thing that you're hoping it does...

doesn't heal you.

there's no operation to erase the memories i want to erase.

therapy, self-help books, 12-step groups, message boards... most of the people who read this may not have much experience with these things, so trust me when i tell you that it can be a bit like running in circles. at least booze can afford me fleeting stretches of oblivion.

"why can't you just let it go?"

because i fucking can't! you don't think i'm fucking trying? does it look like i'm enjoying this? all i want is to forget it. all i want is to move on.

i ain't gonna take up some new fucking hobbies, and i ain't gonna do some fucking volunteer work. and i most certainly ain't gonna give it up for "god". i understand where it's all coming from but it's not for me.

i got plenty to do.

i can compartmentalize. get through certain things. seem like a functional human being for good stretches. but what i have to do sometimes to get through a day or night on my own... it's not good...

i need to get out of this.