Early Reader

I had a hard time learning to read when I was a tyke. I remember really digging those "Early Reader" books in first grade, because I could actually read a whole fucking book on my own!


I had a peculiar fondness for "Frog and Toad". I think because their stories were so goddamn dreary.

"This is my sad time of day," said Toad. "It is the time when I wait for the phone to ring. It always makes me very unhappy."

"Why is that?" asked Frog.

"Because I never get any phone calls," said Toad.

"Not ever?" asked Frog.

"No, never," said Toad. "My phone is always quiet because girls do not like me. No one will ever love me because I am ugly. Girls do not like ugly toads."

"Is it possible to die from loneliness?" asked Frog.

"No," said Toad. "But I wish I were dead."

I should be writing children's books.

Hollywood's trying to horn in on the Early-Reader Book Market, but I think the Hulk is a poor teacher.

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For those who care, it looks like we're going to get to go for an R-rating on "Butcherhouse"!

This may not seem like news, but there's been a real threat we'd have to aim for a watered-down PG-13 since last summer.

Aside from this, I've got a major revision ahead of me. A key change to the second half... that I actually think could be really exciting. A huge departure from the play, but one that could take the whole thing to another level. I've just got some work cut out for me mapping this out.

x X x
Hey, if today's your last day at The Company Formerly Known As Bear Stearns, FUCKING GOOD ON YA!

Now it's dead to me. Ashes to ashes.

"One last iPod shuffle, for old time's sake?" sighed the Gay Horse. "You cart me out FOR THIS?! I should be dancing!"

"Bear Stearns is Dead" Shuffled 5:
1. "Wanna Be Startin' Somthing", Michael Jackson
2. "Spun", Brian Jonestown Massacre
3. "Little Star", Stina Nordenstam
4. "The Red Carpet Grave", Marilyn Manson
5. "Knee Deep at the NPL", Camera Obscura

"We Must Never Forget" BONUS
"Stop", Pink Floyd