Show Me Everybody Naked and Disfigured

Entry # 911:
Let's fire up the Virginia Tech overreaction, why don't we...?

When I was a kid, I'd mess around with the family camcorder (which was a spend-spree purchase my dad had made and never used). I'd make these videos, using animation and footage from movies, cut against pop music. This was the "Timebomb" series, and the opening credits for each episode would feature footage of big explosions from different movies.

My uncle -- a psychiatrist -- saw the videos and had a talk with my mom. "Uncle Nelson says that the videos represent you, with all the explosions. So... do you think you're a timebomb, Malice?"

In high school, I used to write the most violent revenge-fantasy fiction. I was always writing this shit. Guns and blood and murder and suicide. I'd write bits and pieces in class, sometimes. This one time, a classmate was idly looking at something I was writing on a corner of looseleaf that said, "I'm going to rip out your vocal chords and strangle you with them!" He thought I was writing a note to pass to someone and he freaked; I had to explain to him that it was for a story I was writing.

These were genuine fantasies, though. I had some violent desires for revenge. May not have been bringing guns to school (though my dad had purchased a rifle from another spend-spree and I was keenly aware of it), but to make it through a school day was to negotiate those desires...

Another time, I shared some thoughts with a person I considered to be a friend. He got spooked, told his dad, who called the school, and I had to pay a visit to one of the deans...

The writing might be on the walls, but there's a fucklot of writing on the walls. I channeled my frustration into writing as best I could, but not everyone has an outlet. Was I one shove away from going ballistic? I doubt it. You could cherry-pick all the common signs, but I suspect it takes something extra special to cross the line between fantasy and reality.

There will always be people who slip through the cracks. That's what the cracks are for.