DON'T YOU TELL ME TO SMILE!

i'll risk assuming she doesn't read this any longer and take a stab at being candid. if there's one thing i resent my ex for -- and trust there most certainly isn't just one -- it's for forcing me to dive back into the fucking dating pool. i know some people enjoy it, or have an easier time of it. but why on earth would anything be easy for me?

the question rose in my mind -- before last night, after last night -- why would i go out with someone i had a bad feeling about? the answer...? because i'm fucking stupid. the devil's advocate question may rise in your head -- perhaps it was bad because you sabotaged it going in? i promise you, i gave it all i had. didn't phone this one in. even when it looked bad. cranked up the charm as if i were out with the most gorgeous and engaging person i had ever met. (which i was decidedly not.) and i am a fucking jesus of feigning interest... but i was dying last night.

fuck this shit.

(dropping mic on stage, stalking off. scattered, reluctant applause. HOST walks on and retrieves mic.)

HOSTThat was... uh...
(looking down at loose-leaf paper)"Malice Highload", another round of applause for Malice Highload. You may recognize our next performer from Russell Simmons's Def Poetry Jam...