To All My Heroes in the Methadone Clinics,

The televisions hitched up to the ceilings at Bally's are usually set at specific channels at specific times. I do not know who decides what channels are chosen, but they are pretty consistent. Different televisions are set to different channels, so the programs you're forced to watch differ depending on what machines you're using.

It so happens, because of when I'm able to get to the gym, the two programs I'm forced to watch every day are Oprah and back-to-back episodes of Mama's Family. Of course, you might offer, I have the freedom to NOT watch either of these programs... but it is like going to the circus and trying not to look at the elephants.

I find Mama's Family nearly unbearable to watch, and yet I cannot help myself!!! I don't even read the poorly transcribed subtitles (since it's so noisy in the gym, the volume on all the TVs is turned down and the captions for the hearing impaired is activated), but the episodes read like picture-books. Among the storylines of recent episodes:

Mama and friends picket a supermarket for selling smutty magazines; Mama joins a grandmother beauty pageant; Mama becomes a professional wrestler; Mama is a contestant on Jeopardy. Today, there was the obligatory, two-part Hawaiian episode, where everybody goes on vacation in Hawaii and exotic hilarity ensues. [Hawaii must have some production deal with all sit-coms that last longer than 2 seasons...]

It is also slightly depressing to see all these actors who were on this show FOR SIX YEARS and were never heard from again... Ken Berry...? Allan Kayser...? We hardly knew ye...