Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Humpday. Three days before I hop a plane for Florida to visit family. Feeling fragmented. In some ways, feeling a little easier that this month-long "time-out" is almost over. But then there is the endless uncertainty of what comes next. Still don't know when I get to see her again. This has been a month in limbo and it's been exhausting. And not nearly as fun or productive as I'd planned or hoped.

I have managed to set up my computer further. Photoshop, Premiere, After Effects. It has been years since I've used AE. I recall, that was the most difficult one to learn. But I did manage to teach myself how to do some things in it back in the day... but that was years ago now. I'll be looking at YouTube tutorials in the near future. All tools to get my creativity flowing again. Malice trying to get his groove back.

I have come to hate Facebook in new and ugly ways. It is a torture device, showing you the most victorious snapshots of other people's lives. PEOPLE YOU KNOW. PEOPLE YOU USED TO KNOW. PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW. "This is what I'm doing -- what the fuck have YOU done?" None of this is new. Except it's heightened when you're in the dark and obsessed with searching for clues to your fate. It is pointless exercise in self-harm.


Month's almost over. All of this is going to get easier soon.


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