The Driver's License of Dorian Gray

I got semi-carded at a bar the other night.

"How old are you?"

"Excuse me...?"

"I said, how OLD are you?"

I started to laugh and it occurred to me that I'm asked this so infrequently these days that I had to think for a moment -- how old AM I...? "Thirty-nine."

The bartender gave me another look. "I'll take your word for it."

Understand, I used to ALWAYS get carded. And, increasingly over the years, got a quiet thrill when I handed over my driver's license and saw the shocked expressions when people saw my age. This has become a rarer and rarer incident.

I never thought I'd care about my own age... until I became FUCKING OBSESSED with it.

I was at the gym one time when this guy approached me with a question he prefaced with, "Excuse me, sir..."

"SIR"?! Did I look like I'd been fucking knighted?!? Why the fuck was this kid -- a fellow ASIAN guy, no less -- calling me FUCKING "SIR"??? Because he'd been taught to respect his motherfucking ELDERS?????? FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUUUUUU.

I'm okay. Really. None of this bothers me.