Christmas Call with My Dad 2014

Part of having a new phone -- particularly an expensive one -- is enjoying new functionality. Not that using a speakerphone is exactly Star Trek tech but the iPhone 6+'s speakerphone works well enough that I can have these parent chats while I mess around on the internet, which makes it a lot easier.

Which is not to suggest that magically makes a phone call with my dad completely easy.

Excerpts from my Christmas call with my dad this morning...

M:
I just started work on this show. Do you get cable?

D:
Yes.

M:
Do you get Cinemax?

D:
What is that?

M:
CIN-E-MAX...? You know, HBO, Cinemax... [Note: we subscribed to HBO and Cinemax growing up.]

D:
(confused)
No... Dere is too much... I hab Netflix and I don't hab enup time to watch...

M:
Well, anyway, I've been working on the second season of this show on Cinemax called "The Knick".

D:
What is it?

M:
It's called "THE KNICK".

D:
What is it called?

M:
"THE..."

D:
"BA..."?

M:
THE... T-H-E!!!

D:
Oh, "THE"...

M:
(sighs)
"KNICK"...

D:
What...?

M:
The second word is "Knick" -- K-N-I-C-K...

D:
"K-I-N-C-K"...?

M:
NO -- K-N-I-C-K. KNICK!!!

D:
Oh... and what is it about?

M:
It's, uh... it's just about a hospital. You probably wouldn't like it. But it'll keep me busy for a while.

[END EXCERPT]

In addition to not having the greatest grasp of spoken English, my dad is terrible at basic social cues. Case in point, at one of the many dead silent patches we reach, I attempt to wrap up the phone call.

M:
(After long dead silence.) SO ANYWAY, I should let you get back to your breakfast. I just wanted to call and check up on you and wish you a Merry Christmas.

D:
OK.

M:
Have a good day -- and... I'll... talk to you...

D:
Do you hab any girlfriends?

If you missed that, the appropriate thing for him to say at the end would have been something to the effect of, "It was nice talking with you, thanks for calling, Merry Christmas, I love you..." Instead, he offers the classic Christmas sign-off, "Do you have any girlfriends?"

Three times, this happens. It's like the opposite of Call-Blocking. It's Hang-Up-Blocking. If you want to keep talking, then fine -- you could say, "Oh do you have to leave? Do you mind if we talk a little more? It's been a while since we've talked. What's going on in your life?" But he'll just lob out these random questions when I'm trying to wrap it up.

Okay. Merry Christmas, lurkers.