Corey Haim: Me, Myself & I

You will NOT make it through all of this. But I dare you to start it.

In 1989, Corey Haim leaped out of a stint in rehab and released a self-promotional video "documentary" entitled "Me, Myself and I". Overflowing with cheesy 80s video effects, this baffling anti-narrative documents Haim doing all the sporty things he loves to do. It plays like some piece of shit some kid would make in a high school video class.



The generic synth soundtrack is stultifying. Haim occasionally interrupts the monotony by talking about himself, detailing things he likes and stuff he'd like to do eventually.

"I've started to get around to writing my feelings down..." Haim proffers before immediately correcting himself, "not my feelings, my thoughts. So, eventually I'd like to move toward the whole writing/directing thing..."

He shares this as if the world were waiting with bated breath to see what kinds of unimaginable narratives a wonder-child like him would craft.



He tosses out these random little bon mots. HAIMisms for the hoople-heads...

"You are what you wear. I wear something different every day!"

"There are so many beautiful sights to see in L.A. I have a lot of special places that I go where I can look down at the city. It has an incredible view. It’s a great inspiration."



Above, at about 7:07, this poignant monologue...

What does kissing REALLY mean to me...?

[pregnant pause to consider the weight of the Charlie Rose query]

To me, if you feel when you kiss a girl that certain feeling of, like, all those dolphins, like, swimming through your bloodstream, then you get those...

[senses he's not being manly enough, tries to course-correct]

... good tingles inside your stomach... I don’t think there’s anything better than kissing because it basically comes to, um... I guess the word “love”.

Again: 1989. Corey Haim at the heighth of his popularity, despite his rehab routine. The video is long and rambling and damn near inexplicable. Like an adaptation of a TIGER BEAT interview. Like many things Corey Haim would go on to do, it seems like a parody—rather, it seems like it OUGHT TO BE a parody. But it's not. The title tries to warn you up front: this video is about indulgence.

I know that he's got a posse, but let's be real for a minute here.