Tuesday, January 22, 2008


First there was Brad Renfro...

Now, Suzanne Pleshette has a posse.

This one's lung cancer.

When will you people pay attention? Attention must be paid.

Who gets it third? Steve Guttenberg? Someone you aren't thinking about; someone you haven't thought about in ages! What's it going to take, America? Is it going to take Steve Guttenberg?!

Don't come weeping to me...


You're wondering how I exploited my long holiday weekend, aren't you? I'll bet you think I just pissed it away unproductively.

Well, fuck you.

I'm proud to share that I used the extra time to beat the living shit out of "SUPER MARIO GALAXY".

I beat it as Mario.

I beat it as Luigi.

I collected every last gold star in that cocksucking game.

121 as Mario.

121 as Luigi.

A grand motherfucking total of 242 gold stars.

Requiring that I defeat an astonishing fucking menagerie of minibosses twice.

Demanding that I overthrow the big, fascist End-Game Boss—Bowser (alias, "King Koopa")—a total of FOUR times:

Twice as Mario. Twice as Luigi.

The culmination of weeks of dedicated gameplay.

And what glorious spoils does one earn by beating this game six ways from Sunday...?

Come closer, I'll show you.

You get this still picture:
Now, excuse me while I consider the best way to kill myself.


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