I Need Someone to Hold Me (But I'll Wait for Something More)

A few paces from the taxi, I puked on the sidewalk. Some spot between Thursday night and the wee hours of Friday morning, Upper West Side. Hadn't eaten since the WGA holiday party at the Friar's Club on Wednesday night. The decision to crash the Bear Stearns holiday party on Thursday was as last minute as possible. But I had to do it.

All right, neglected blog, here's where I catch you up.

Some nameless fucking girl I thought was cute back when I used to work at the company. Never spoke to her back then, never had a reason to. I go off and have my little Hollywood adventure for a year before my writing career gets derailed by the strike. So, I'm back at my old job, and Nameless Girl is still there.

Still, I don't think much of it. Until some BOZO FRIEND of mine puts it into my head, "Hey, you should talk to her coz I think she's in your gettable range..."

Suddenly it turns into a holy mission. This writers strike didn't happen because writers needed a fair cut of internet residuals. It happened because the Cosmos wanted to force me back to my old day job so I could talk to this Nameless Girl. Because the universe revolves around me.

I'm sweating over this thing FOR WEEKS at work. The whole thing was just way too built up in my head. Days of aborted attempts. Some really stupid gambits and sorry follow-throughs.

I was psyching myself out for all sorts of reasons... that I'll probably explain to a therapist one day...

I figured, if the company just had a holiday party it would be a much easier environment to chat her up. I wasn't even in the mindframe of wanting to pick her up. I just wanted to get to know her a little, find out if she was cool. AND I COULDN'T EVEN DO THAT!

But it wasn't looking like there was going to be a company holiday party. And for real, I was just about to put the whole bloody affair out of my mind. Until my shift starts winding down on Thursday and I start hearing people buzzing about the holiday party they're about to go to...

"You should come!"

"For perms only, but we could sneak you in..."

Of course, I already had plans because I didn't know there was gonna BE a fucking holiday party!

I clock out for the day and run over to the DGA Theater, where I'm supposed to attend a screening of THERE WILL BE BLOOD with my friend Dave. I'd seen it already, but there was going to be a Q&A with Daniel Day Lewis and Paul Thomas Anderson after this screening.

I bring Dave into the theater and I explain my predicament. I NEED TO GO TO THIS HOLIDAY PARTY. Even if it ends badly. Even if nothing happens. I don't want to live the rest of my life imagining what might have happened if I'd gone to that party...

I expected Dave to give me a great big booster speech, like from some John Hughes movie: "Sometimes you just have to say, 'What the fuck?' and crash a fucking party. If you don't go to this thing, you're going to regret it for a very long time. What are you waiting for? Go! Go now!"

Dave said none of that. But I'd already made up my mind that I was going to ditch Daniel Day Lewis so I could try to have an awkward conversation with a Nameless Girl at a fucking company holiday party...

Which is exactly what I went and did...

... and she was kind of a bitch.