autumnal equinox

i only feel like mumbling today. maybe i need caffeine. my mourning nicotine didn't pry open my eyes. i feel parched. numb. maybe it's a tumor. didn't even drink that much last night. everything's changing really fast. i may have to make the earth move in the next few weeks. i'm sick of the year i've had. nobody deserves the year i've had. ok, some people deserve the year i've had, but i don't. it ain't the way i wanted it -- i can handle things! i'm smart! not like everybody says... like dumb... i'm smart and i want respect!

i'm fucking exhausted. 10 minutes late to work today. i even got out the apartment in time, the fucking F train just shut down around 14th street. how perfect. well, my job's the dog's balls and i think deserve the leeway to fuck up a little. i've been keeping my sneakers on at work for the past 2 days. it's a cry for help, really. i am out of control -- somebody stop me.

death is rough, but a drawn-out process of dying is so much worse. how long can a person be expected to grieve?

happy fall, you beautiful fucking people.