Other People Getting Paid as Writers

John Cockring won a million dollars on his last season of SURVIVOR. He'd been through law school but when host Jeff Probst asked him what he planned to do next, he stated that he didn't see himself as a lawyer. He said he thought he had "the gift of gab" and wanted to try to be a writer. Next day, he gets a call from showrunner Greg Garcia asking him if he'd like to be a writer for his new CBS sitcom starring Will Arnett. And just like that, with no experience, John Cockrain started a paid writing career. After winning a million dollars.

Shelby Fero is about 20 now. She finished about a year of college at USC, majoring in screenwriting (though never actually finishing a complete screenplay). She had a bunch of Twitter followers and wrote some shit for Cracked. Now she's a writer for Chris Hardwick's Comedy Central show, @MIDNIGHT. She's 20.

It's hard to describe what it feels like to see these people — and many others like them — trip and stumble into paid writing careers. Maybe if I could adequately describe what it feels like, I could reach their level of success.

Bitter...? You're wondering if, perhaps, I'm feeling a little bitter? You humbly posit that, possibly, this might in fact be a rather bitter blog entry, do you...?


All right. FUCK IT. Shit like this makes me want to take a wrecking ball to this industry.

But you don't wanna write for shitty sitcoms or shitty late night talk shows or whatever the fuck fucking Greg White is writing for, doooya Malice...??

Doesn't change the fact that it BURNS seeing people succeed without breaking a sweat. Without *suffering*. Without *loss*.

I know I'm a better writer than these fucking ridiculous nitwits. These people fit into slots and are recyclable, so it's easier to break them. I've got to work harder because I've got an "original voice", so I'm not going to get work writing bullshit for Chris Hardwick to say. I've got to create my own intellectual properties. Which is harder to do in an increasingly risk-averse environment.

Do you wish you could get paid writing bullshit for Chris Hardwick to say, Malice...???

....

... no.

But not getting paid is getting old.

I've got to work harder for my success, but that's just what I do. I work harder because I have to.