A Letter to Rosario Dawson

To the Lovely Miss Rosario Dawson:

Hi, how are you? My name is Malice Highload. If you're like me (and I'd like to imagine you are), you're at home alone on a rainy day in New York City, GOOGLING your own name to see what you come up with. I pray that when you do, you come up with this entry.

I'd like to wish you a belated happy birthday! I heard that you had quite a birthday party last night. It looks like it was a lot of fun. I wish I could have been there. Which brings me to the point of this letter...

I'm not a stalker. (I know that's what ALL the worst stalkers say, but I'm not! I swear to "God"!) I'd just like to be your friend. I love your work in such movies as "The 25th Hour" and "Sin City" and "Men in Black 2". I think you are one of the finest young actors of our generation and I would like to hang out with you. Nothing big, just coffee, maybe a few drinks -- let's keep an open mind here and just see where it goes, you know?

I'm not a high-maintenance friend. You wouldn't even have to see me much. We could just see each other at the bigger events of each other's lives. My birthday parties with my circle of friends, your birthday parties with your circle of friends. I could tell you fascinating stories about my day job, you could tell me about your day job. It would really require very little investment on your part. There really is no gamble to this.

No need for an immediate response (from lawyers or whatnot), just sleep on it. Mull it over. I shall be waiting.

Most sincerely,
M. Alice Highload