Battlestar 24

Heyyy, Leoben and Starbuck are both mixing it up with Jack Bauer on the new season of "24".

"Who the frakk are Leoben and Starbuck?"

Well, right off the bat, this entry's alienating people who don't watch "24" *or* "Battlestar Gallactica". I'm totally screwing the pooch today, aren't I?


No spoilers here.

Though I'll say that Starbuck looks right at home at CTU because that office always looks like a fucking spaceship for some reason. Honestly, I know they want to glam things up for TV, but it looks like they should be firing laser torpedoes at The Borg from that office.

"24" is arguably the crappiest show that I still force myself to watch for the times that it's a little less than crappy. (Though I've got my eye on you, "The Office"...)

"24 Drinking Games" are a dime a dozen on the internet (1, 2, 3), so pardon me if I don't bother with the formality except to point out these predictable "24"-plot-maneuvers. They're not really spoilers because THEY HAPPEN CONSTANTLY...

+ Jack Bauer goes rogue.

Motherfucker goes rogue so often, he'd make Sarah Palin blush. And his gut instincts are always right and when he's eventually welcomed back into the fold, somebody's got to reluctantly admit that Jack did what was necessary to save Amurrrickkka.

+ Jack Bauer unnecessarily points his gun at someone.

Have you ever picked up and used a real gun?
They kill people dead. You can use them to shoot tin cans off a fence, but they're really just designed to kill. Jack uses them as a negotiation tactic—and not even as a last resort.

Whether you're a terrorist, a colleague, the President of the United States or his mother (or all four at once), Jack Bauer will NOT hesitate to point a gun at your fucking head if he wants you to do something. Whether it be unlocking a door or getting him a beer. That's how Jack rolls, bitches.

+ Clunky expository dialogue!

"24" is lousy with clunky exposition. A character will literally state, "I am the President of the United States!" to remind the ADHD audience that s/he is the President of the United States. They'll openly reminisce about old times with other characters, to remind the audience what happened in previous seasons or what happened between seasons.

The apologist may point out that the conceit of the show is that it takes place in "real time" and thus doesn't have access to a narrative device like "flashbacks", but really. There are still better ways to get information across.

+ Constant reminders of the time!

Yes, "real-time". We get it. But every time one of the characters asks for an estimate for how long it'll take to do something (drive from the airport to CTU, finish editing a Powerpoint slideshow, make Jack a sandwich), it just takes me out of it.

I also find it amusing that very dramatic twists tend to happen at the end of EVERY HOUR like clockwork. That, I forgive. It's cliffhanger television and if they didn't at least try to put me on the hook at the end of each episode, I'd be sooo done with it all.
xXXx
Okay, those are my major issues. (Oh, and Jack never has to pee in 24 hours! Just once, I'd like to see him racing through a mall trying to find a bathroom.)

[Also: I love/hate Starbuck and would like to do terrible things to her. And several other cast members of "Battlestar Galactica". And "24". And pretty much any TV show I watch. I'm lonely.]