Death of a Spider-Man

It gives me no pleasure to lead the backlash parade. I hesitate blogging about this because I don't want to dissuade anybody from seeing this thing. It's still going to make ungodly heaps of money—but I know that not all my friends will go to see all the big summer blockbusters, and I want them to see this. So that I might have an adequate support group.

It wasn't just the hype machine. Creatively, "Spider-Man 3" was the same team behind the first two movies. I guess that's why I thought it was a foregone conclusion that this one would be—to borrow a page from George Tenet—a "slam dunk". But unfortunately, it appears that the team was composed of humans who managed to fail. Perhaps important comic book movie franchises shouldn't be trusted with fallible humans...

Relax, I'm not going to go all SPOILER-crazy here. I could go through a list of everything that went wrong, but it'd be a futile exercise. And you can find a million other reviews on the internet that'll give you a fairly accurate coroner's report.

But I tell you, when I get suckered, I get suckered good...

I was so high on hype for this motherfucking Spider-Man movie, I dropped by a GAMESTOP on the way to the movie theater Friday morning and picked up the "Spider-Man 3" videogame for both the Wii and the PS3...!

Over a hundred bucks, I spend on this perfect media storm, opening day:

I see the movie and it sucks...

I go home to play both videogames—and they both suck, too...!

Sony bent me over a table and violated me this weekend.

(I ran to Gamestop today to see if I could return the games—I couldn't return the PS3 version, but they let me return the Wii version for full store credit. So I regained some shred of dignity. Not a lot.)

Guess I was asking for it, eh, Sony? Was it the lipstick?