Sunday, July 26, 2015

Just Kill Me

There is no relief.

It's objectively great that same-sex marriage is legal across the country, but I don't want to hear about people being in love and getting married.

Walk outside, listen to a podcast, watch television, click through my regular internet sites. Everything is a reminder of HER. The loss.

Couples. Children. Marriages. Sex. Relationships. One of the Gawker sites recently had a puff piece about aerial photographs of popular neighborhoods in NYC and L.A., and the top photo was of HER fucking neighborhood. AKA, the place I will never go again.

There is no relief. From the memories. The good and the bad. All the promises that were made and broken.

There is absolutely nothing I could have done and yet I still can't help but internalize this rejection. It has been corrosive these past two weeks.

I start my new gig on Thursday. Need to get back on track, in all ways. I have been killing myself. I need to just start picking up the pieces.


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