End of August

Day before. This is really happening.

Flight leaves at 9 AM. Need to figure out how I want to get to the airport.

As of writing this, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going to be staying the entire time. The trip is spanning Labor Day weekend and friends will be scarce. (Just the way I like them.)

So many details to be sorted. Do you know what my least favorite thing is? Well, one of my least favorite things: UNCERTAINTY.

All right. Breathe with me. Everything in its right place.

This will work. It has to.

If I don't return, avenge me... AVENGE ME!!!

Monday, Monday

Okay, I know this blog hasn't been terribly informative lately. I've been busy/preoccupied.

L.A. trip is CONFIRMED.

Departing this Wednesday, September 1st. Returning the following Thursday, September 9th. It's longer than I expected and I'll be stuck there over the long Labor Day weekend.

I am a coil of nervous energy.

My big meeting with Lionsgate is (supposed to be) this Thursday. That's what this entire trip is about. And to be honest, at this hour, I'm not entirely sure what they're going to be expecting from me. Should be getting a little more intel from the managers beforehand. I pretty much know the story inside and out, but I need to know what kind of song and dance they want to see before they agree to put down some money.

Where Are We Going...?

Short list of possibilities:

High Voltage
Arc Light
In & Out Burger
Father's Office (burger)
Pink's
Garlic Noodles @ Anqi
Universal Studios
Disneyland

when a man loves a woman

I am the key to the lock in your house
That keeps your toys in the basement.
And if you get too far inside
You'll only see my reflection.

It's always best when the candle's out,
I am the pick in the ice.
Do not cry out or hit the alarm,
You know we're friends 'til we die.

Western Promises

Tentatively, tentatively, I'm supposed to go to Los Angeles next week to try to get something done. I'll believe it when I'm on an aeroplane.

God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it.

I wish I were going there just for laughs. Or for a victory tour of high-fives.

Hopefully, I'll have time for a laugh or two. But really, I'm there to sell my heart out.

It's exciting and anxiety-inducing on many levels. I'll be glad when I'm through it. I feel like I'm heading into war.

Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore

MCR

i adore not being responsible. it is my greatest pleasure not being a responsible member of society. not concerning myself with everything a responsible adult member of a civilized society should be doing on a daily basis.

THAT SAID, at the risk of falling off the map, i am always trying to keep myself in check.

tomorrow... "today"... i'm going to get some work done...

Michael Ian Black

Michael Ian Black goes off the reservation.

Hot Fudge Show

A glimpse of my childhood. This would be a good gameshow for sociopaths.

Peggy Rider Animated GIF

Some animated gifs I've created from the last episode ("The Chrysanthemum and the Sword") of MAD MEN.

Peggy driving the Honda scooter around in circles in an empty studio.

Unfortunately, she isn't allowed to make a complete circle in the wide-shot, so this is the best we can generate from that:

[BIG VERSION] 640px by 360px

[POCKET VERSION] 375px by 211px

The solution is to exploit the close-up to hide the jump:

[BIG VERSION] 640px by 360px

[POCKET VERSION] 375px by 211px

And finally, a simple loop of the close-up:

[BIG VERSION] 640px by 360px

[POCKET VERSION] 375px by 211px

Please "save as", link, share with the rest of the internet as you will.

BONUS:

From the check that Draper offers the Honda executives:

Mr. Donald F. Draper
104 Waverly Place, Apt 3B
New York, NY 10011

Chemical Bank
1012 1705 0000009752

I Wanna Be Rich!

Thursday afternoon, I dropped some signed papers off at my lawyer's office and then went to Saks Fifth Avenue.

If you haven't been, Saks is one of those hoary shopping relics in New York City that remain standing as interactive museums of The Way Things Used To Be. I had a chat with an old salesman there named Sandy who offered me his business card. First of all, he had his own business card. Not exactly the kind of expense that Urban Outfitters is willing to shuck out for their sales personnel. Second of all, the guy seemed like he'd been there for the better part of his adult life. Not just working at Saks Fifth Avenue, but IN THAT SAME DEPARTMENT, in that same suit, in that same nook within the awkward, labyrinthine network of escalators and floor dividers.

Why did I go to Saks Fifth Avenue? I've got a bit of money coming in and it has been a small eternity since I've had any real money. And while I intend to be very responsible with it, I thought it might be fun to do a little window-shopping... and consider the things I could afford to buy, even if I wasn't about to go on a spending spree.

Let me tell you, Dear Reader... it was exhilarating.

For a small spell, I imagined a life where I didn't have to worry so much about how much something costs. All that mattered was whether it was cool enough, whether I really wanted it.

Walking through Saks was like wandering through a little corner of the city that was trapped in another time. Like something out of MAD MEN.

A friend just posted one of those life-affirming Facebook status updates. "How do you measure success in life...? Fame...? Wealth...?"

Fortune and glory, baby. Get your priorities together.

Lonely Animal Kingdom

The Ballad of Tara & Bella...



Tara & Bella update...

Inebriation

Fuck Her Too

Sweet Viral Marketing

"The Last Exorcism" punking some horndog boys on ChatRoulette.

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still

Skip to about 1:50.

Watch full-screen.

This is what it looks like falling to earth.

Marathon Man

Still waiting to find out when I'm going to L.A. I hate how these things get delayed without explanation. I just go with it and keep writing but it can get tiresome playing this waiting game.

Beautiful and the Beastie

Denim Therapy Works

That old pair of jeans you've adored to pieces?

Send them to DENIM THERAPY and they will mend the holes.

It can be a little pricey depending on the level of repair you need, but I just had them fix a pair and they do an amazing job. It's as if the holes were never there. (Save for the god-shaped hole in me.)

Sarah Doesn't Speak for People Who Aren't Insane

There Goes My Hero

My lawyer kicks so much ass, I don't know where to begin.

Nature of Good and Evil

Are you really a good person if you're just acting like a good person?

If you simply do the things a "good person" would do, and the prevailing perception of you is as a "good person"... then does it really matter what's in your heart...?

When You're A Hammer, Everything Looks Like a Nail

For the first time in a very long time, I'm expecting some real money to be coming in. Some sure money that will hopefully be added to some money related to new projects. The details of the projects are the subject of another entry down the line. My point here is... money changes everything.

Honestly, it's been so long since I've been flush. Over a year. And what a difference a year makes. (This time last year, I was still living on the Upper West Side.)

This year's made me more strongly appreciate necessity versus want. The past year, splurging was mainly reserved for going out with friends. The past year, I spent a lot of time worrying over how I was going to make ends meet each month.

The sudden feeling of NOT having to worry so much about that... at least in the short term... it's like a burden that's being lifted. The idea of being covered for the rest of the year is amazing. The idea of clearing off some old debts I've been whittling down for the better part of my adult life is hard to describe.

I want to have some fun... and I'll be sure to have a little fun... but most importantly, I want to build on this.

When You Were Young

All on the Hayride

This is my underground blog. The other blog is reserved for carefully crafted statements about my career. This is where I'm slightly more candid.

I've moved on from the Butcherhouse project. This might be old news to some of you but I'm on the verge of selling the screen rights completely to the studio that originally optioned it and it's made me... contemplative.

I'll always own the stage rights and my name will always be attached to it if/when the studio moves forward with the project (which they claim—to my lawyer—that they're still very serious about), but it's just not something I'm creatively invested in anymore. On a practical or emotional level. I had hopes that it would be my first produced movie credit (which it may yet be), but I've also been developing other projects non-stop. I never wanted it to be my one-hit-wonder.

Still waiting on initial feedback from my reps on my first draft of "Hayride". It could take a while because my two managers and my features agent have to read it through and talk amongst themselves before they get back to me. It's not everything it could be just yet but I'm hoping they see the potential in there.

I think it took me longer to write because it shares a bond with Butcherhouse and Hayride initially felt too much like more of the same. They're both horror stories centered around high school kids in a small town.

But the more I developed it, HAYRIDE became my effort to bury BUTCHERHOUSE.

Still waiting to find out when I'm going to L.A. to pitch the CADAVERS project. Could be next week, could be anytime thereafter. It's just the eternally obnoxious hurry-up-and-wait nature of being a screenwriter.

HAYRIDE and CADAVERS are my two highest priorities right now. I think they could both be amazing showcases for what I'm capable of. I'm uniquely excited about CADAVERS because it doesn't involve teenagers in a small town.

I've still got so much to prove to the world. It's been a long hard road. There was a time when I hoped that BUTCHERHOUSE would beat the odds of development hell, get greenlit very fast, the works. But I refuse to be another bitter screenwriter, whining about the industry. It's a bitch but I'm determined to make this career work.

I know what I can do. I know what I'm capable of. I've no sense of entitlement. I'm just going to keep working my ass off to get to where I want to be. (Back on the Upper West Side.)

This is the Day

Unmatchable

One of the curiosities of being single amidst a sea of friends in long-term relationships is that some friends enjoy playing the matchmaker game. It's like a fun pet project for them. I recall one night when two female friends (both married) began to look at me with the level of scrutiny that one would reserve for a difficult math problem. After some whispered deliberation, one of them asked me, "What's your type?"

I don't necessarily mind. While they rarely develop into anything, I enjoy playing along with the matchmaker bit. I make a concerted effort to push myself to do things outside of my comfort zone on a semi-regular basis. (Granted, some days just stepping outside of my room qualifies as "outside of my comfort zone", so I'm not exactly bragging about cliff-diving here.)

Thing is, when a friend lays those opening words on me ("There's someone I think you should meet..."), I'm not contemplating the possibility of a serious relationship. I'm thinking that this blind match-up should be an interesting indication of how my friend sees me...

Oh, and there have been times when it's been really fucking disheartening...

THIS is the best they think I can do...?

Is THIS HORRIFYING VISION BEFORE ME some distorted funhouse reflection of how others see me...???

And it's also gone the other way, when I feel like the matchmaker has set me up with some poor girl who's way out of my league.

I'd like to get certain aspects of my life on better ground before even thinking about getting into a relationship. It sounds like an excuse but it's seriously not. And yet, these opportunities seem to materialize before me with increasing frequency (through friends, through chance encounters), and I sometimes can't help but entertain the possibility of... something more.

Hungry Luma Intervention

Rockstar Kids Can't Lose!

Bono's daughter Eve Hewson is going to be co-starring in the Sean Penn movie "This Must Be The Place". About an aging rockstar (Penn) who becomes a Nazi hunter.

Isn't that sweet? Now, she'll have a little money in her pocket.

Swell Season vs. Neutral Milk Hotel

The Swell Season covers Neutral Milk Hotel

don't hate her when she gets up to leave...

Comedy Royalty Invade THE SOUP

The Kids in the Hall versus Joel McHale.

The new Kids in the Hall miniseries "Death Comes to Town" premieres on IFC on August 20th(?).

The New Jerusalem

They've been playing WORKING GIRL on the cable lately. I was rewatching the ending over the weekend. It's completely silly treacle but goddammit if it doesn't get me...

(spoiler)

Melanie Griffith embarks on her first day at her new job: an "entry level" position. Sets her things down at the secretary's desk, familiarizing herself with the setting. Woman sitting in the adjacent window office comes out, greets her. Melanie assumes this is her new boss but... wait for it... the girl is actually her new secretary! Melanie's the boss! With a window office and her very own assistant!

There's something vaguely sad to me, that having your own office with a window and your own assistant should seem like some fairy tale ending.

EPF

The Video Website

115 pages

Today, I sent my reps a draft of a script that they've been waiting on for about eight months. I had a professor in college who said it should never take you more than three months to write a first draft. He died a number of years ago so I don't follow his advice.

After doing my final read through and revisions today, it ended up being 115 pages. A bit long but a lot better than the initial 143 page draft.

I should be in party-mode. The best feeling is when you've sent that script/treatment out for the weekend: it's out of your hands, they need time to read it and it's usually the perfect time to just get nuts without worrying about anything.

But I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. Not because I was working on the script but because of the bed bug menace I've just started fighting.

Bed bugs have a terrible stigma but it's not a statement on how clean you or your apartment is. Those little fuckers aren't attracted to dirt, they're attracted to human bodies.

Anyway, in addition to doing final revisions to my script today, I spent a small fortune doing laundry and buying expensive bed bug killer at the hardware store. We'll see how effective it is. God, I don't ask for much. I just don't want to get eaten alive in The Tomb.

Once Upon a Hayride

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."
MACBETH, Act IV, scene 1

114 pages. That's where it's at. And, I'm sure, still riddled with issues, but I feel that I need to share it with my reps at this point.

Printing now. Should be the biggest doc my printer has spit out in forever. (Hope I've got the ink.) I'll try to give it a read during the daylight, make some final fixes before emailing across the country.

Of course, I've also got to deal with the bed bug infestation I've just discovered in The Tomb.

I lead a charmed life.

Satanic Cults and You

Nobody actually watches the YOU-TUBE clips I post here because you're either @work or you just don't care. So then, Apathetic Reader, let me post a preface that you *might* read.

In the 1980s, evil was easy to identify. Russians and Satanic Cults were the bad guys. That's all we had to worry over.

American TV news/tabloid 20/20 scared the living daylights out of me with their fear-mongering Satanic Cult stories.

It seems positively quaint now. My post-millennial anxiety is reserved for racist Tea Parties, radical Christian sects and the vague threat of terrorist cells.

In the 80s, all I worried about was the post-apocalypse...

(((ןnɔ pıɯıɔʞ)))

ɹǝʇsuoɯ ɹǝbuɐɥ ʇɐoɔ

Birdemic!!!

I watched this trailer and thought, This has the aesthetic of the crappy Asian-American movies I used to see at Asian-American film festivals in the late-90s. Without the Asian-American actors, but with all the same incompetent acting/writing/filmmaking.

Then I read more about the movie...

Excerpts from HERE:

BIRDEMIC, described by James Nguyen as “a romantic thriller,” is a horror/action/special-effects-driven love story about a young couple trapped in a small Northern California town under siege by homicidal birds.

Nguyen, a 42-year-old Vietnamese refugee, wrote, cast and shot the film over the course of four years using salary from his day job as a mid-level software salesman in Silicon Valley.

When rejected for an official screening slot at Sundance, Nguyen spent eight days driving up and down the festival’s nearby streets in a van covered with fake birds, frozen blood and BIRDEMIC posters, while loudspeakers blared the sounds of eagle attacks and human screams. The tactic caught the attention of festival organizers, filmgoers and local police, as well as executives from Severin Films. Severin’s executives walked into a screening, took one look at Nguyen’s masterwork, and immediately locked up BIRDEMIC’s worldwide rights for the next twenty years. Discussions are currently underway for Severin to add an additional thirty years to the initial agreement.

((((mid luck ci))))

-Secret Hangman Root-

Not Mothers' Carnage.
Mothers Cannot Rage.
Errata Conmen Ghost.
Hot Monster Carnage.
Manage North Escort.
Other Magenta Scorn.
Arrogant Cons Theme.
Stagnant Cheer Room.
Hatemonger Cartons.
Thorn Gators Menace.
Create Mason Throng.

Oh, Carnage Torments!

Everything Has Been Said Before

Sorry, I gotta phone it in today.

Really interesting GQ interview with Jason Segel where he talks about writing.

And via @merillon, the 5 meanest tweets sent to Damon Lindelof after the LOST finale.

(((culk cimid)))

"coat hanger monster"

One Month of Summer

It seems incredible that there's just one month of summer left. The weather's been completely oppressive up until the past week or so. My first summer suffering The Tomb and it has been a unique trial.

I fantasize about winning the lottery and not dealing with the indignities of the common people.

Mission Statement

Amidst setbacks, every day brings me closer to the man I'm capable of being.