Ghost of Disaster
"Things were just starting to take off for him..."
"We didn't know he was in so much pain..."
"He could drink a lot but he was fun when he was drinking..."
I imagine people talking about me in the past-tense.
We enter September and I'm struggling to find some work while keeping the writing career on track. I'm having a hard time doing this.
Seeing friends helps my spirits somewhat, but it also brings the risk of having to spend money I don't have. Every swipe of my MetroCard is precious. I'm literally tightening the belt because I'm afraid to spend money. I make for poor company, on several levels. Like hanging out with the Ghost of Disaster.
My lease is up in November and I am contemplating a big change. I am trying not to feel overwhelmed by everything, but I can't go on like this.
I try to ease my nerves by thinking about the bigger picture and how I will get out of this eventually. I know things will get better for me. Not knowing when is difficult.
I'd like to be able to just go with the flow. Not worry myself sick over things I can't help.
I slept a lot this weekend, in patches. Sleep is great when you're depressed because it's free and it's a way to escape for a spell. Little stretches of peace. I take whatever peace and oblivion I can afford.
How many calories are you getting in a typical slice of pizza?