Wednesday, March 30, 2005

time is cheap

[imagine a clock]

5 hours to shit out before my responsibilities at work are completed for the week. 5 cocksucking hours.

today, i'm sitting next to a secretary who tries to stifle her sneezes so they end up sounding like farts and gunshots. i've dreamed of having a job like this since i was a kid. embrace your lowered expectations, children. they will lead you here.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

chemical blue

vague, inarticulately depressing day. cold, gray aftermath of yesterday's downpour. difficult to pinpoint. blurry marital forecast. being stuck at a crappy position at work for tomorrow and next monday. i'm so broke, i can't even afford to hang out with anyone. sux2Bme.

i'm cat-sitting for KingMeow for a bit over a week starting thursday. technically, i'm allergic to cats, but when have i been stopped from doing something that's detrimental to my health?

ok. thinking positive. things are going to get easier. getting back to creative work. whittling away at my phantom career. i get to have a pet for a little while. everything is going to be just fine...

just fine...

Monday, March 28, 2005

when you're down and out

The MeowKing forwarded me this link, targeted at lonely white men. The exotic korean woman is indeed an elusive prey. Good luck, white men!

Cold and rainy this grey monday mourning. I'm broke as a joke for a week and a half. I've never made more money in my day-job life, and I'm still sucking on ketchup packets. I need to get my house in order.

Dropping stuff off at the tax-man today. Pray he'll work his magic for us.

3-day week for me, but for 2 of those days I'm stuck in my least favorite division. 20 hours of teeth-pulling. Guess it's better than working at a maggot farm...

Sunday, March 27, 2005

always look on the bright side of life

i usually don't post things as mundane as show/movie reviews (i'd much rather write about how many minutes i've got left at each work day), but i got the opportunity to see HOT TICKET BROADWAY SHOW MONTY PYTHON'S SPAMALOT last night, courtesy of nicko, and it was terrific. a parody of a musical, for you musical-haters.

erm... well, i guess that's my review.

i used to love tim curry in his RHPS/Annie days. And, of course, Pennywise... i've always been a bit coulrophobic... aren't you supposed to be...?

Thursday, March 24, 2005

no friends life

didn't really have anything to write about today, but is that stopping me? HELL NO.

for those non-nor-easters, it was raining/hailing last night. on the walk home, it felt like a shower of pins against my face. this is yet another reason i should be living in a bubble.

meeting BURNTOUT again tonight (coz i just can't get enough), along with El-Rey-del-Meow. i think we might have a little alcohol.

would like to get a lot of editing done this weekend, and hopefully some writing. social obligations are thin. no marriage counseling tomorrow. saturday night, nicko's taking me to Monty Python's SPAMALOT, because he is a friend. he's not a good friend, but he's a good friend.

(that show's sold out till like JULY or something...)

clock's ticking on taxes. gonna be a close one. need to get the papers together and deliver them. i am so broke(n).

4.5 hours left on my week...


Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Pity Party!!!

happy wednesday, friends, non-friends, lurkers, surfers, pimps, whores, blood, shit, piss, scum, etceteras...!

today's the 1-year anniversary of me being in my new position here at the animal farm. no cake and champagne in the pantry, i'm afraid. i am a neglected, over-exploited, under-appreciated resource. hooray for corporate america! hooray for jesus!

having dinner with papa burned-out + roger-dodger this evening, somewhere in new york's chinatown. don't try to find me. i'm like fucking waldo, motherfuckers.

gotta pay some bills when i get home today, so's i can be broke again. i should try to downscale my lifestyle, but i just can't live without my ivory toothpicks.

my phantom editing project is progressing, after being stalled for about 7-8 months. i won't say what it is here because there are enough fucking GOOGLE searches pointing to this here blog and that name... but i'm sure 6mx would get a kick out of it if she saw it...


Tuesday, March 22, 2005

if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first

is this some kind of "let's not visit misanthropy central" day?

it's ok. i got through childhood without friends, i can get through today.

i hope that you are all having fun somewhere life-threatening.

piece of shit monitor

granted, i do not officially have a regular desk at work yet, but there's one i'm destined to inherit. that whole department moved to another floor over the weekend. and right now, i'm stuck with a piece of shit computer monitor that i'm propping up with a staple remover.

someone's gonna pay...

doesn't help that internet access is intermittently fucked up this mourn. it's like a personal hell. small wonder that i've managed to post this.

here's an informative link that the MeowKing forwarded me: it's a dangerous world. always be prepared, christians.

and always be closing...

Monday, March 21, 2005

the fortress of solitude rocks

monday mourning entry. listening to ipod to blur out the office chatter. some people are TRYING to update their blogs here...

all the people in my department received emails letting them know how many times they've been late in the last two quarters. sort of a passive aggressive warning, just showing clocking-in times. like a stalker sending you pictures of your child at school; a threat is implied, but not explicitly stated. i guess my previous claim that nobody cares about me arriving a little late doesn't hold much water. it was nice while it lasted.

(at least they're passive aggressive about it...)


all night jam sessions at my own personal fortress of solitude saturday night. guest musicians: the meowking, burned-out-eyes, sara and "bucky". the instruments: acoustic guitar, electric guitar, 2 casio keyboards, a harmonica, a cowbell and assorted other things to hit, two microphones, a powerbook.

sara and i did not fight. i did not accidentally flip her onto the concrete floor, where she banged her head. and if i did (theoretically), i'm sure i would be very remorseful.

i fell asleep before the session was over, because i don't know how to make music. however, the next day i composed this little nugget of cheese using "MTV Music Generator" for the PS1.


nobody comments on long, multi-section entries. oh well. i ain't winning no popularity contests...


Bush is an idiot and I didn't vote for him.

but the people get what they deserve.

Friday, March 18, 2005

war of the worlds

Thursday, March 17, 2005

yellow + blue = green

appy-poly-gees for the last entry, which was admittedly curt and not particularly commentable... here's the follow-up.

i got my tat colored in last night. went fairly smoothly. he used a different needle-set to fill it in. two rows of jabbing ink-pins. wasn't quite as braced for the pain, but i didn't cry. and it was fairly brief.

i asked for the color to be a sort of gun-metal blue-gray. the thing i didn't account for is that my skin color is a light brown... which ends up being a kind of yellow.

this morning, in better light, i see what i've bought myself... a tattoo of a greenish gun. how perfect for st. patrick's day.

have a green day, american idiots!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

color me badd

can't write much. running to appointment after work. getting tattoo colored in.

not important to remember "color in" date, but here it is.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Sie Hassen Mich

i didn't want to create another blog entry today, but burno sent me this picture and it just demanded to be on "misanthropy central".

an hour and change to go on this lovely work day.

i was dying at work yesterday. almost left a few hours after i got there. somehow, managed to live through it. wasn't much help to anyone yesterday; i was basically just hanging out. well, i managed to save a sick day.

there's nothing on television tonight (save for "scrubs"), so i should actually be able to get some work done...

i think i wigged out The Meowking with my infamous "Meowking" entry, because he's stopped commenting on the blog. probably waiting for the heat to clear. if you don't like it, meowk, you can go eat cheese nips. (i'm sorry, cheese japanese...)

i've made it through another day of work, motherfuckers!!!

CAN YOU DIG IT ? ? ! !

sweep & clean

started some spring cleaning this weekend. vacuuming and scrubbing the shower and all that good shit. doesn't look that much better, but it is. i've just gotta keep shovelin the shit this week... that shit has a way of pilin' up, dunnit though!?

i've been strolling into work late ever since a coworker told me they don't really care in our department. 5, 10, 15 minutes late...! i can't tell you what a difference a few extra minutes are in the mourning...

having said that, i discovered that they DO notice if you're tardy. it seems that it affects rewards/bonuses/promotions. a chelloveck i work with just got passed over for a big reward recently, in part because of his late arrivals.

point being, i spose i oughtn't get carried away with the late train... fuck and run... fuck and run...

Friday, March 11, 2005

Queer's Lookin' at Malice!

Okay, so I can't tell you what it's for, but this is a still image from video I shot this afternoon. Dedicated to 6mx & M.U.I., who just can't get enough.

(Kyan says I'm cute...!)


Thursday, March 10, 2005

Isn't it... Queer?

thanks to BURNO, i'm shooting the "fab 5" tomorrow afternoon. it's for a non-profit org, i don't even know what it's for, but they needed a person with a camera and i figured, wtf not?

don't make me regret this, fab 5.

if it gets prickly, i may have to write about it on my secret blog...

my work week's over in less than an hour. cock it all...

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

there are big, tall, terrible giants in the sky...

through a mixture of stealth and other people just not knowing what the fuck i do, it looks like i'm going to be able to fulfill the prophecy of not doing anything of consequence for the remainder of my shift.

be careful what you wish for, however... as i am literally bored to tears...

via a series of boring events, i stumbled upon HULK'S BLOG. why has it taken so long for me to happen upon this? i could read this till i die of sensory deprivation.

additionally, The Meowking just drew my attention to this saucy collection of screencapped hookups in the accidental video game porn archive. arguably not "worksafe", but we lives on the edge, preciousss...

(they say) true love never dies...

plans for this weekend have suddenly disintegrated, and i could not be more elated. like a minor burden has been lifted. i prefer a night with no plans. there's so much i want to get done. (even though i should really get cracking on taxes...)

my last post proved to be so popular, i should coin an axiom:
everybody loves to read about obscure, ultraviolent videogames from the 80s as much as I do.

[the above statement is meant to be read with sarcasm... because my last entry was decidedly unpopular...]

so much for niche marketing...

i must set my sites upon short-term goals. like getting through this work day doing as little work as possible without getting fired. if i accomplish this, will reward myself with a coca cola. with bourbon. if i fail to accomplish this, i will console myself with the same damn thing.

discuss among yourselves -- or generate entirely new topics of discussion...

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

o! what a world my parents gave me

From The Top 100 Most Violent Video Games of All Time:

A lot of people think Mortal Kombat was the first really gory game, but about six years earlier there was an Arcade light gun shooter called Chiller, even by today's standards it is still one of the goriest games of all time. The game starts you off in a torture chamber, where a man hangs by his arms with his leg chopped off, below him are dozens of bloody body parts like legs, arms and hands. One lady is being eaten by a crow, and you can shoot these people anywhere on their body and bust it open exposing all the bloody carnage and marrow inside. There are severed heads on shelfs that you can shoot apart as bugs eat them. If you shoot their stomachs, you see bloody ribs, if you shoot their face you see bloody skulls, you can even open up the bloody limbs on the floor. One lady has her head in a guillotine that you can shoot to decapitate her, then shoot her severed head open as it rolls away on the floor, then shoot her legs and arms apart. One guy has his head in a vice that you can shoot and turn until his head gets smashed open. The next level has people hooked to stretchers. They can be ripped all apart by shooting the wheel. A lady hangs over a river of blood, you can shoot the switch and lower her until a crocodile jumps up and bites her feet off, then her legs, then half her body. The final level has a girl sticking out of a grave with her legs buried, severed heads impaled on stakes surround her. You can shoot off her shirt and her bra, exposing her tits, (damn, it even had nudity back then,) then you can shoot off her arms, and head, then shoot her body in half. Available at, go download that shit.

this was burno's favorite game growing up.

thanks for the memories, burno. see you tonight...

apologies to anyone disturbed by the descriptions. i made the font real small so highly moral people can't read it.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Who Is The Meowking?

due to popular demand, and my wanting to kill the last half hour @ work, herewith is an entry dedicated to the elusive MEOWKING.

who is he? what is he? where did he come from? how did i come to be associated with him...?

well, i'm not at liberty to answer all your queries, but suffice it to say he's an imaginary childhood friend of BURNO's. through a series of unfortunate events, i came to inherit him.

because there's not enough room in my Fortress of Solitude, and because hell doesn't want him, i keep him locked up in a small storage locker in Crooklyn Heights.

when the moon is full and the night is black, i unleash him upon an unsuspecting world and have him crucify the insincere.

light a candle for the sinners. set the world on fire.

o! september

such is the nature of my position at work that i usually don't know how my mondays will play out till around 10am. sometimes a little later. i'm the equivalent of spackle. if a hole forms, i'm used to fill it in.

refreshingly quiet weekend, with the exception of a brief episode of drinking with The Meowking friday night. figured out how to take some of my old videos on analog and archive them on dvds. i'm getting better at it. i may even have a slightly re-envisioned version of "hunting game" ready for perusal at some point in the next month or so, for whoever knows what that is...

this is all old stuff, i understand. having "frozen lemonade" on dvd may not seem like a big deal to most people. but the knowledge i've gained from doing that will help me finish some other projects that never got completed. i'm all about breaking new ground.

allow me to count the ways i've alienated readers thus far in this entry:
1) those who don't know who "The Meowking" is
2) those who don't know what "hunting game" is
3) those who don't know what "Frozen Lemonade" was
4) the Mormons

counseling session #2 went well friday night. enough said for now.

it's been a long time since september, hasn't it...?

Friday, March 04, 2005


ok, let's quit the games, kids...

i just received a package in the mail. hand wrapped. mailing label printed out on a common home printer. with my name on it. it contained a new cell phone. no note. no card. no return address. shipped from overseas.

if this were a movie, i guess the phone would start ringing.

no numbers pre-programmed on the phone. as far as i can tell, it's just a normal cell phone. with no features that my current phone doesn't already have.

on the customs label on the package, it's checked off as a "gift".

i have no idea who sent this, or why.

if i disappear in a few days, avenge my death.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

men reading fashion magazines

i gave up on kurosawa's "seven samurai". i know it's a classic. i'll get to watching it at some point. i'm just not in the mindset to watch it right now and it's holding up my netflix queue. it reminded me a bit of "three amigos" and "bug's life"...

been listening to this rufus wainwright cd i got a long time ago and never listened to. it's good. the first track is amazing. weaves in ravel's bolero and maybe some gershwin. a wonderful ode to detachment.

all right, i don't want this to start sounding like burno's fuckin blog...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Sawney Bean

Been stoopid busy @ work, which is why I'm tardy with today's entry of nonsense. I'm actively trying to duck workflow right now, so that I may offer you your daily fixture of retardation.

Forgot to drink booze last night. What has become of me?

I got nothing inordinately new to share today, besides things I'm not at liberty to discuss on my "public blog".

My friend turned my attention to the curious case of the Sawney Bean Clan. No pics, but some grisly imagery to help you sleep cuddly at night.

M.U.I. -- I'll buy you a drink any time! Just tell me when...

It's the 4 hours countdown to leaving work for the day. Doesn't sound like a long time, does it? Well, who the fuck are you...?

Note to self: drink tonight.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

march onward

look who's made it to march? it's your old brooding acquaintance malice.

the streets are muddy with snow in our dysfunctional little city. the skies are gray and make no promises of clearing up. yet i am at peace with all of this. because the lord is my shepherd. my imaginary, hateful, cackling little shepherd.

i'm laying low this week. due to certain persons who will remain anonymous, i was out a lot last week. who sez i ain't social? well, whoever sez it is dead meat...!

trying really hard to get back to writing...